starting with the good stuff

Well, I thought I'd write all the happy stuff here. The fun, the good, the cool...
Ok, our weekend went great. I amazed myself by not thinking about bleeding in the middle of the desert until an hour into the trip. Only 3 more to go....But there were no incidents, no problems. Our little prius got 50 miles per gallon. Not bad with the wind, the hills, the traffic.
We just had a slow weekend, Kelly gambled and lost, Michelle and I watched the movie Fried Green Tomatoes...bad idea. Best friends, one dies. Hmmm, hand me the kleenex.
But nothing special, just relaxing. No problems on the drive home either. So yea for me.
I made it, no anxiety attacks.

Monday Kelly started back to work. I actually felt ok about it. I really haven't been worried. I've had a really busy week, actually too much to do. I've been to the dentist twice, I hate my teeth,
had cousin lunch (thanks for the ride Carrie) had my nails done and did some shopping for a bridal shower on Saturday. I have been feeling great, not using my 02 at all, having lots of energy.

Then yesterday late afternoon happened. Tired, achey, chills, little temp. Ok, take two aspirin and call me in the morning. Today I had an appointment scheduled to go back on the study drug. I almost called in to say I couldn't come. I was sick. But that's stupid, I need the med.
Woke up cold, turned on the bathroom heater and took a hot shower. I had a hard time getting out cuz it was cold out. Headache, body ache, temp, chills, short of breath. By the time I got to the doc's it was 102. My heart rate was elevated, no one knows why. They had me walk down the hall to do my PFT's and I had a bleed. Not large, very small by comparison, but I lost it. Not in a big way, just scared and frustrated. I cried, boo hoo. Here we go again. It's been three weeks since surgery. Each time it's 3 weeks after that it starts again. But like I said it was very small. So I cheered up and went about doing the stuff I needed to do. But they weren't sure if I could go on the study without doing PFT's, but I wasn't about to do them and possibly have another bleed. So the doc wanted me to go on the drug anyway, and he put me on two other antibiotics, in the form of pills. I've only been off of IV's one week. I will go back on if I need to but I really don't want to. So the drug study people called "sponsor" and they said I could go on the drug.
So I'm on three antibiotics. I was told if I don't feel better in 2 or 3 days to call back. Then when I got in my car, I thought I was bleeding agian. The drug study guy, Luis, walked me to the car. He asked if I wanted to be checked out and I said no, go ahead so he left. Bad idea. It was another bleed. I sat in the car for about 5 minutes spitting out blood. Now I'm really nervous. I have a long drive home and there will be traffic. Ok......go.

Driving, driving, driving (singing to music). Think I'll call Kelly and see if he can get off early and we can drive home together, or follow each other. Hello, hello, phone cuts out. Darn it!
Ok, I can do it. Driving, driving, driving. Should I drive in the fast lane and hopefully get there quicker or should I drive in the slow lane in case I need to get off the freeway? But the slow lane will make me crazy and I'll kill someone! I finally made it home with no further incident (in the fast lane).
Blah, blah, dinner with Kelly and tell him about my day, blah blah, savon for perscriptions, blah blah, Kelly goes out for a while (now) and I have another bleed. Larger than the other two. Ok, that's 3 in one day. What should I do?
I have my 02 on, I have my phone ready in case.... I hate feeling this way. I hate living this way.
Guess I'll go be very still and not do anything, although I wasn't doing anything but talking on the phone when this one happened.

A collective crossing of your fingers, toes and anything else that crosses would be appreciated.
Talk to the fairies, do your no bleeding dance. If I can just make it 2 more months I'll have surgery again. Yea, two months.....