Well I'm still home. Did I say I got released from the hospital on Monday? The doc discharged me from the hospital even after the other doc said I was staying. It's hard to know who is right. I had an appointment at clinic today. I was feeling really, really badly. I was in the room shivering under a blanket. I kept telling them that I was freezing and that I didn't know if had a fever or if it was just cold in the room. They said it was just cold and never checked my temp. That's not true. They did when I first got there (45 minutes prior)and I had been drinking a soda. It was 97.5. Isn't that a clue it's not quite accurate. Anyway, I told them I felt awful and all that ails me and they didn't even check out anything. The doc did say, do I want to go back in the hospital, but the way he said it was like he was laughing at me. So here I am home. After the doctor I had to go drop off a couple of checks, and I really didn't think I'd make it. I couldn't breathe, felt like I was going to pass out and I only had to walk maybe 20 feet. I know it was hot out, but I was cold. When I got home, my temp was 101.8. Guess it wasn't just cold in the room.

I'm feeling better tonite as far as that goes, but the stabbing pain in my lower abdomen is still there. One of the things they didn't check. People with CF get intestinal blockages...I'm lucky I've only had one in my life. I hope this isn't one, they said maybe I pulled a muscle with all the coughing I'm doing. Hmm.

Then my number one fan comes home with what he thinks is good news and knocks my socks off with heart break. He asked his boss to find a position for him where he could work from home and only go in one or two days a week. He'd give up a job he loves, the promotion he just got a few months ago and the rush of the work he does, to be home and help me. I am so sad. I hate that he should have to even think of this. He says he is burning the candle at both ends and something has to give. But we talked for a long time...I really don't want him to do this. I don't want him to give up any more for me. So we decided to give me a couple more weeks to see if I can get better and we are going to get housecleaning service. It's so hard to give up the one thing left that I do. It sounds so stupid to think I'd say no to a maid but I have nothing else left. Who am I? I want Kelly to stay at work and do what he loves. I want him not to have to worry about me so much. I want to stop feeling so bad.

At the same time I'm so overwhelmed that he'd give that all up for me. He kept telling me his priority is to take care of me and sometimes we have to do things we might not want to do. Who'd a thunk it? It made my heart hurt more than ever. I have some friends who are in these sucky relationships, they aren't happy, but they won't do anything about it. And it makes me so mad that they have 30 or 40 more years to be with these people and they don't even care when I love Kelly so much and want to be with him and our time is scarily short. Is that a word?

So it's been yet another emotional day. I'm sitting here crying now because as I reread this, it just doesn't say what I feel. I'm not a good writer, I don't know how to put things in flowery words and really make my point. But it's been so hard for the last 6 months or so and I just want it to be easy. I know, whaaaaaa. Sorry.

On a good note, I called a friend to see if her son's could do the yard work. Our lawns are out of control. Between rain, going to work, going to the hospital, Kelly hasn't had time to do it. Anyway, I left her a message. Then after about 3 hours of sitting on the couch, waiting to see if my fever would come down and just staring out the window, too tired to read, to uncomfortable to sleep, I realized that the lawn was done. And not just the lawn but the bushes and weeds too. I had no idea who did that. I felt so stupid when I had to call my friend back and tell her cancel that last message! It turns out a friend of mine told a friend of Kelly's who does yard work that ours really needed it. And he came over and did it. I guess he did it while I was at the doctors and I didn't even notice it when I came home. Now that's not feeling good! I'm not sure if it was an insult, telling someone our yard looked like scum! But it did and now it doesn't so yipee. We're not the white trash people any more!

Well I guess that's all. I know someday I'm going to have a great blog post. Something will go really good and you'll all be so surprised. I can smile and laugh, I swear it! Just you wait and see!
Happy Easter everyone, or Passover, or what ever it is you celebrate. We celebrate the Easter Bunny and all that is good and chewy!