Sunday, May 13, 2007
Last post
Hi everyone. This is my last post on Carol's blog. I have started my own here. I want to thank everyone who came here everyday or once in a great while. You'll never know who much it meant to her that people read what she wrote and shared her pain and joy of life.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Yesterday
Yesterday was the best day I've had since, well... since. I genuinely felt good and happy. Not in a manic way like "I'm going to be happy if it kills me". But I felt centered, grounded and focused. I thought I'd just share that with everyone because the last post seemed kind of bleak. I am amazed ever day about this process of loss. The process of losing love is equal to having it. Simply amazing. For me anyway. From what everyone says, it's different for everyone.
Some of you may or may not know that a friend of mine died six days after Carol. I am very close now with his wife, Jess. In all of this, it is nice to know I'm not alone with the loss. We talk and hang out a lot. For awhile we thought about getting T-Shirts made that say "It sucks to be Us." I was told about a service called the Grief Recovery Institute. I looked it up and checked it out. I talked to Jess about it and we both signed up. It is for three days in Sherman Oaks on the 22 June. We both are committed to getting through this. We both don't want to be the person who 5 years later, can't walk down a Hallmark isle in a food store. We both want to continue living life and enjoying everything it has to offer.
I've been exercising, sleeping better, praying, meditating, writing in a journal, and staying close to friends. I'm not sure which one is working to help me so I think I'll keep doing all of it. My gratitude goes out to everyone who has called, email, and come over to check on me. I may not return your call but know that it helps a lot.
Well, I'm not as good as Carol at blogging but I try.
Some of you may or may not know that a friend of mine died six days after Carol. I am very close now with his wife, Jess. In all of this, it is nice to know I'm not alone with the loss. We talk and hang out a lot. For awhile we thought about getting T-Shirts made that say "It sucks to be Us." I was told about a service called the Grief Recovery Institute. I looked it up and checked it out. I talked to Jess about it and we both signed up. It is for three days in Sherman Oaks on the 22 June. We both are committed to getting through this. We both don't want to be the person who 5 years later, can't walk down a Hallmark isle in a food store. We both want to continue living life and enjoying everything it has to offer.
I've been exercising, sleeping better, praying, meditating, writing in a journal, and staying close to friends. I'm not sure which one is working to help me so I think I'll keep doing all of it. My gratitude goes out to everyone who has called, email, and come over to check on me. I may not return your call but know that it helps a lot.
Well, I'm not as good as Carol at blogging but I try.
Monday, May 07, 2007
May 7, 1962
Today would have been Carol's 45 birthday. She would have been so happy to have another birthday but would have been so sad she was getting older. I think it's a female thing. In a few days it will be 2 months since she died. I miss you.
I have been sad a lot. Depression is like a black sea that I am in the center of and can't see the shoreline. I tread water but it is a heavy thick water that slowly pulls me down. I look around and everything reminds me of her. I have tried to do what I can, but nothing takes the pain away.
I tried to go back to work but could not control my emotions and I couldn't seem to concentrate very long on anything. I plan on returning to work on the 30 of May. That gives me a month to get my shit together.
I'm not sure why I'm writing here. This is Caro's blog. She expressed herself here the life she had one day at a time with Cystic Fibrosis. But today was her birthday and I didn't want it to go unnoticed. I don't think anyone comes here anymore anyway.
Carol, I hurt still and miss you so bad...
#1fan
I have been sad a lot. Depression is like a black sea that I am in the center of and can't see the shoreline. I tread water but it is a heavy thick water that slowly pulls me down. I look around and everything reminds me of her. I have tried to do what I can, but nothing takes the pain away.
I tried to go back to work but could not control my emotions and I couldn't seem to concentrate very long on anything. I plan on returning to work on the 30 of May. That gives me a month to get my shit together.
I'm not sure why I'm writing here. This is Caro's blog. She expressed herself here the life she had one day at a time with Cystic Fibrosis. But today was her birthday and I didn't want it to go unnoticed. I don't think anyone comes here anymore anyway.
Carol, I hurt still and miss you so bad...
#1fan
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