I'm listed....yipee?

Well, I got the call Wednesday that I am in fact a candidate for bilateral lung transplant and that they have accepted me into their program.

I was getting my nails done Wednesday afternoon, and my cell phone rang. Well, as the only person that calls me on my cell is Kelly, and I knew I could call him back, I ignored it. My nails were goopy at that point. So when I went out to my car and listened to my message, the transplant coordinator said, in a grave voice, that he needed to talk to me about what they discussed at the meeting today. He hemmed and stammered a bit and said, please call me and told me what times he'd be in the office. The tone of his voice and that we needed to talk...I thought crap, they aren't going to list me. What do I do then? Everything is getting so hard, breathing is a chore, what if I can never have a transplant? What if they found something with my health that says I can't have one? Panic.

So I went home and called him. He told me I'm listed! I immediately thought, what if they call me right away? I'm not that sick. I don't really need a transplant.

Can you say schizophrenic? Neurotic? Plum loco?

He said he hadn't calculated my score yet, but that when he did he could let me know if it looked immediate or long term for waiting. I am getting to know a man that is listed at USC also, and he has had the social worker calling him to tell him that he has almost been called twice, but the lungs were no good. So he is someone that is ready, and wanting a transplant now. I'm assuming they won't say I'm that ready (health wise) yet. This man has been listed since June and he wants a transplant asap...so I'm sure I have at least 6 months to wait till I start to panic in earnest!

I'm as confused as ever, but closer to knowing that it will happen one day. It's the walking down the hallway and being out of breath that has me feeling that way. I did one of the 5 planters in the front yard Thursday. Sitting on the bricks pulling weeds is ok, even though my legs are killing me now. But each time I had to get up to empty my box of weeds, I had to rest before I could start again. Bending over to reach the back of the planter makes it very hard to breathe. When I was done I swept up my mess and I thought that would kill me, but I refuse to not be able to do something. It's just so hard. Then I hosed off the driveway and I had cleaned off the porch the other day...had to get rid of the frozen crunchy plant...and that's it for me! But the front of the house looks nice. Just don't look anywhere else! I need to prune 6 more roses, then the 5 climbing roses, then the rest of the palms and the weeds. I should be done by spring!! The back yard? Well...let's just not go there! Anyway, the point of this rambling story is that I shouldn't have been so out of breath, literally just from standing up. It shouldn't have taken me 3 hours to do one planter, and I didn't even get to the climbing roses. So I am aware of my lungs getting worse. I'm trying my best to stay in some sort of shape, but it's not easy. I feel like I spend all my time cleaning or doing chores, because it takes me so long. I'm the one who wants my house clean or my yard done, so I'm the only one putting pressure on me. Kelly would never get mad at me if I couldn't do stuff. But I like it a certain way. But then I get so sick of working every day, errrrrr.

Next week is going to be a busy one. I have a drug study appt. on Tuesday and I hope to get home in time to go material shopping with my sister. I have the dentist on Wednesday...do you think that will ever be over? Thursday I have a procedure..surgery..what ever you want to call it. I'm having a CT angiogram to see if any of my arteries are enlarged enough to be worried about them. I'm not sure if they'll actually do the embolization at that time if there are problems or if they'll have to get insurance approval and then have me come back. I hope it will be in one fell swoop. The drugs are fun, but the laying flat is sure not, nor is the pain that comes after.

My cousin Merle and I are going to see a movie on Monday, so that will be nice. Michelle will be coming down next weekend, I hope I feel ok. I got most of the house clean yesterday and today so I just have to do the guest room. Cross your fingers nothing is wrong, no embolizations and no pain.

Tonite Kelly and I went to dinner with a friend from his old job and his wife. They are the nicest people. I wish we saw each other more often. They don't live that far, it just seems like stuff always comes up! We ate and talked and talked...they are all smart people so I told them I would just talk in sign language and then I'd be the smart one! ha

So guess that's all. Later I'll tell you about the mean lady at the grocery store, my sign teacher at Chaffey and other fun stuff! Good night!