I have to make a minor correction to my post titled, Wicked. In it I wrote Kelly was snoring that puffly snore. I was mistaken, he was snoring a manly man snore. He is no Puffly guy.
I stand corrected:)
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Wicked
The title sounds like I'm going to talk about something mean and wicked...but I'm not!
The play was wonderful!! It was almost as good as in New York. I have to say almost because it was, well, in New York. The whole night went well. We got there really early so we got to park right across a small street and because of my handicap placard we got to park right up front. Then we got inside and yikes, no elevators and my tickets were for up in the top. But Lynn carried my oxygen and we just took a little at a time. The seats were great, the audience quiet (I'm used to movies where no one can shut up) and the show was wonderful! I forgot how funny Galinda was. I think the set was identical, if not close to what I saw before. We laughed, got goosebumps, a little teary eyed and a big smile at the end.
The usher lady was very helpful in getting us in before everyone else and letting me go first in the bathroom line. I had to laugh at that, my lungs are broke, not my bladder! But Lynn said there were benefits to going out with me, parking up front, first in bathroom lines...see she rolled my oxygen so that she had to go in first with me too, heee heeee, sneaky. We were trying to figure out how we could get to be first in the snack line, but that didn't happen. Darn. I was hungry!
It was funny on the way home that Lynn said Galinda reminded her of me in high school. I was all "WHAT?" I was smart and was not popular and was nothing like Galinda. We were laughing. Funny how you think you are and how others see you.
On the way home we were starving, but there was no where to go. My mission is to find a Denny's by Lynn's house, or what?, a Coco's, are they open late? So I had to come home and scrounge the fridge and there was nothing there either.
The next day Kelly and I just hung out. We were both tired, it had been a really long week. So we took a nap and I was thinking it was total bliss even if just for a few minutes. Kelly and I were resting, snuggled together and he fell asleep with that little puffeling snore, Carrie was asleep on my pillow with her head resting on my head. The blankets were warm, nothing really needed to be done, ahhhhhh.
So that was my weekend. A perfect weekend with the people I love. (Yes Carrie Carrie is a people, just a furry four legged one)
The play was wonderful!! It was almost as good as in New York. I have to say almost because it was, well, in New York. The whole night went well. We got there really early so we got to park right across a small street and because of my handicap placard we got to park right up front. Then we got inside and yikes, no elevators and my tickets were for up in the top. But Lynn carried my oxygen and we just took a little at a time. The seats were great, the audience quiet (I'm used to movies where no one can shut up) and the show was wonderful! I forgot how funny Galinda was. I think the set was identical, if not close to what I saw before. We laughed, got goosebumps, a little teary eyed and a big smile at the end.
The usher lady was very helpful in getting us in before everyone else and letting me go first in the bathroom line. I had to laugh at that, my lungs are broke, not my bladder! But Lynn said there were benefits to going out with me, parking up front, first in bathroom lines...see she rolled my oxygen so that she had to go in first with me too, heee heeee, sneaky. We were trying to figure out how we could get to be first in the snack line, but that didn't happen. Darn. I was hungry!
It was funny on the way home that Lynn said Galinda reminded her of me in high school. I was all "WHAT?" I was smart and was not popular and was nothing like Galinda. We were laughing. Funny how you think you are and how others see you.
On the way home we were starving, but there was no where to go. My mission is to find a Denny's by Lynn's house, or what?, a Coco's, are they open late? So I had to come home and scrounge the fridge and there was nothing there either.
The next day Kelly and I just hung out. We were both tired, it had been a really long week. So we took a nap and I was thinking it was total bliss even if just for a few minutes. Kelly and I were resting, snuggled together and he fell asleep with that little puffeling snore, Carrie was asleep on my pillow with her head resting on my head. The blankets were warm, nothing really needed to be done, ahhhhhh.
So that was my weekend. A perfect weekend with the people I love. (Yes Carrie Carrie is a people, just a furry four legged one)
Friday, February 23, 2007
Bog, Blog Blog
Well, I figure the only way to get the picture of the blood to the bottom of the page is to put other blog posts and move it down. So here I am.
Not much new, I'm still in pain and now I'm having chills and last night, night sweats. Great.
But I refuse to get sick.
Tomorrow night I'm taking my sister to see "Wicked" at the Pantages Theater. I will make it. I will not cough all night. I will not bleed. I will not sweat. Got it?
Anything else? Hmmmm. Was supposed to take in my taxes today but I feel like crap and haven't got them put together so I had to call and cancel. That's the second time. Once the Friday I went to the hospital and now today. I've got to get my act together!
I did go and have lunch with my friend Darcie yesterday. We went to Chili's and had a nice time.
We can talk like there is no tomorrow. What do we talk about? Who the heck knows?
Mmmmm, the weather is cold? I like the rain.
My house is a mess.
I need to gain weight.
I need to get stuff ready for transplant.
I'm tired.
Ok, one blog down, maybe the blood picture will move down a bit!
Bye
Not much new, I'm still in pain and now I'm having chills and last night, night sweats. Great.
But I refuse to get sick.
Tomorrow night I'm taking my sister to see "Wicked" at the Pantages Theater. I will make it. I will not cough all night. I will not bleed. I will not sweat. Got it?
Anything else? Hmmmm. Was supposed to take in my taxes today but I feel like crap and haven't got them put together so I had to call and cancel. That's the second time. Once the Friday I went to the hospital and now today. I've got to get my act together!
I did go and have lunch with my friend Darcie yesterday. We went to Chili's and had a nice time.
We can talk like there is no tomorrow. What do we talk about? Who the heck knows?
Mmmmm, the weather is cold? I like the rain.
My house is a mess.
I need to gain weight.
I need to get stuff ready for transplant.
I'm tired.
Ok, one blog down, maybe the blood picture will move down a bit!
Bye
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
blood and hubbies
So I see that my wonderful hubby, who never, ever, ever has time to put a picture on my blog, because he doesn't know how, really he doesn't, found a way to put a picture of blood on my blog. Such a helpful guy he is. That is a pic of the first bleed of the day Friday. It is the smallest of the bunch. Try picturing this being thick and texured, not like water. It was almost like jello as it starts to thicken. And the sink is clean, that's just a shadow you see! Anyway, I was trying to aim so that the doc's could see that it was bigger than the drain hole, since that's pretty universal in size and sorta taller, but it didn't show that it was thick.
Anyway, just wanted to explain what the heck that was.
Thank you so much honey. Now do you think you can remember how you did this and put something pretty on here?
Anyway, just wanted to explain what the heck that was.
Thank you so much honey. Now do you think you can remember how you did this and put something pretty on here?
Hi everyone,
Just thought I'd write an update. I just got out of the hospital yesterday. I had been bleeding again, a lot. Not a lot in terms of blood, but a lot of times a day. For a week, 2, 3 or 4 times a day. I really wanted to have surgery again, but my doc's said no. They just put me on IV's which I knew wouldn't work. Then I had a week of no bleeding (nope not due to IV"s because I got mad and didn't start them till 5 days after I was supposed to) and then on the day I was to go to the doc's, I started out my morning by bleeding more than the other week. I bled again at the doctor's office, and they still didn't want to do anything. I was so frustrated. I knew it would just get worse. Well, I had 3 more that day for a total of 5.
By Friday, I had a large one that seemed to just go on forever. I actually got a stool so I could sit down with my head over the sink. It finally stopped, but 3 hours later it started again. My husband just walked in the door as I was getting the stool to sit. So I called the doc and this time talked to a different one. Told him I just couldn't do this, that the bleeds got much worse that day and I even took pictures so they wouldn't think I was faking about the amount just so I could have surgery. He called radiology and had me come in, to have surgery the next day. As I was trying to get ready and pack a bag, I had a large, long bleed. My husband was so afraid to drive me to the hospital, it's about an hour away. We were trying to figure out each hospital en route in case it got to be too bad. But I made it. Got in a room, long story, but moved to another room and promptly started bleeding. A LOT. The nurses were freaking out. My husband was out getting my stuff from the car so I was alone. I actually clogged up the sink because clots kept coming out and had to move to the trash. It was a long hard bleed. Finally it stopped. It was so weird then because they were trying to get me settled, trying to clean up the mess, and one of the nurses was putting another extension on the 02 tubing so I'd have more room to move. When she pulled it apart and the 02 stopped, I immediately started bleeding with only about 5 minutes rest from the last time. It was again bad and scary.
Well, finally it stopped. I was too afraid to go to sleep, but just read and stared at the wall. About 1 am, it started again and I had two more. Finally I made it to the morning and had surgery about 9am. The surgery went well in and of itself. But they had to block some significant arteries or veins and I'm in a lot of pain. My arm hurt so bad as one of the arteries also went to my arm. Plus as soon as I was able to sit up, I started throwing up. Miserable. That went on for 2 1/2 days. We tried all kinds of pain med's but nothing much helped . ( no not for the throwing up silly, I was on something for that too, can't remember the name, but each time they put it in my (IV, I threw up) I'm just doing a low dose fentanyl patch and Motrin for the inflammation. The surgeon said that I would be in pain for a while, that they had to go deep and do a lot of repairs. He said each time I have to do this it is going to get worse and worse, as they have to go deeper into my lungs and the veins are being recruited from all over so that the other body parts will hurt too, like my arm. They saw veins growing from my diaphragm, something they've never seen before. And there are a lot in my shoulder area, upper chest, that they couldn't get too but they will in turn be a problem.
So, I'm home, feeling sore, but much better than bleeding. I'm hoping I will have my transplant before I need to do this again. So much bad news about my health in such a short time is so hard to hear. But it looks like transplant is the only way. Now if I can only make it. Deep sigh.
So that's it for me. I have to go figure out what to have for dinner. I'm not sure which is worse, having to cook and clean or having to sit at a restaurant. Hmmmm, sleep, I'm sure that will help. Think I"ll do that!
Bye
Just thought I'd write an update. I just got out of the hospital yesterday. I had been bleeding again, a lot. Not a lot in terms of blood, but a lot of times a day. For a week, 2, 3 or 4 times a day. I really wanted to have surgery again, but my doc's said no. They just put me on IV's which I knew wouldn't work. Then I had a week of no bleeding (nope not due to IV"s because I got mad and didn't start them till 5 days after I was supposed to) and then on the day I was to go to the doc's, I started out my morning by bleeding more than the other week. I bled again at the doctor's office, and they still didn't want to do anything. I was so frustrated. I knew it would just get worse. Well, I had 3 more that day for a total of 5.
By Friday, I had a large one that seemed to just go on forever. I actually got a stool so I could sit down with my head over the sink. It finally stopped, but 3 hours later it started again. My husband just walked in the door as I was getting the stool to sit. So I called the doc and this time talked to a different one. Told him I just couldn't do this, that the bleeds got much worse that day and I even took pictures so they wouldn't think I was faking about the amount just so I could have surgery. He called radiology and had me come in, to have surgery the next day. As I was trying to get ready and pack a bag, I had a large, long bleed. My husband was so afraid to drive me to the hospital, it's about an hour away. We were trying to figure out each hospital en route in case it got to be too bad. But I made it. Got in a room, long story, but moved to another room and promptly started bleeding. A LOT. The nurses were freaking out. My husband was out getting my stuff from the car so I was alone. I actually clogged up the sink because clots kept coming out and had to move to the trash. It was a long hard bleed. Finally it stopped. It was so weird then because they were trying to get me settled, trying to clean up the mess, and one of the nurses was putting another extension on the 02 tubing so I'd have more room to move. When she pulled it apart and the 02 stopped, I immediately started bleeding with only about 5 minutes rest from the last time. It was again bad and scary.
Well, finally it stopped. I was too afraid to go to sleep, but just read and stared at the wall. About 1 am, it started again and I had two more. Finally I made it to the morning and had surgery about 9am. The surgery went well in and of itself. But they had to block some significant arteries or veins and I'm in a lot of pain. My arm hurt so bad as one of the arteries also went to my arm. Plus as soon as I was able to sit up, I started throwing up. Miserable. That went on for 2 1/2 days. We tried all kinds of pain med's but nothing much helped . ( no not for the throwing up silly, I was on something for that too, can't remember the name, but each time they put it in my (IV, I threw up) I'm just doing a low dose fentanyl patch and Motrin for the inflammation. The surgeon said that I would be in pain for a while, that they had to go deep and do a lot of repairs. He said each time I have to do this it is going to get worse and worse, as they have to go deeper into my lungs and the veins are being recruited from all over so that the other body parts will hurt too, like my arm. They saw veins growing from my diaphragm, something they've never seen before. And there are a lot in my shoulder area, upper chest, that they couldn't get too but they will in turn be a problem.
So, I'm home, feeling sore, but much better than bleeding. I'm hoping I will have my transplant before I need to do this again. So much bad news about my health in such a short time is so hard to hear. But it looks like transplant is the only way. Now if I can only make it. Deep sigh.
So that's it for me. I have to go figure out what to have for dinner. I'm not sure which is worse, having to cook and clean or having to sit at a restaurant. Hmmmm, sleep, I'm sure that will help. Think I"ll do that!
Bye
Monday, February 19, 2007
Coming home today?
Carol was admitted to the hospital on Friday night. The frequency and volume of the bleeding kept increasing. Surgery was Saturday morning. After surgery, she was in a lot of pain. She has been throwing up anything she eats since the surgery. I'm taking the day off and doing things around the house and then go to the hospital. I just talked to her and she said she thinks she will come home today....
Please, no visitors other than family or very very close friends. Call me before you visit to make sure she is up to it.
Kel
Please, no visitors other than family or very very close friends. Call me before you visit to make sure she is up to it.
Kel
Friday, February 16, 2007
what to call this day
So another day that went awry ending tonite with me looking on my blog for comments and finding none new. That made me sad. No that's not a plea for comments! It just makes me smile when people let me know they've been here. I've had another day of brain numbing words coming from people that have changed their tunes and I don't understand why, plus my own physical problems set me up for depression once again. I must be related to my dad.
It started this morning at 6:30 am. Kelly had just finished doing my IV's and said good bye before leaving for work. Once awake I always realize I have to run down the hall, wonder why that is, you can sleep thru it but once awake there is no way to go back to sleep without answering the call. Anyway, I get back in bed and immediately start bleeding. Not huge amounts, but very annoying because I'm afraid to lay back down and make it worse. So I try to sit up for a while and then finally go to sleep.
I had to get up early anyway at 8 to get ready for a doctors appointment. So off I go to see the doc's, crossing my fingers I get one I like. Traffic was terrible, it was stopped from the minute I got on the 57 to almost Brea, then a bit of free flow, then stopping for the next umpteen miles due to the left overs from a 5 car pile up. But I made it only 5 minutes late and no more got settled in the waiting room than I start bleeding again. I run into the bathroom they have in the waiting room (usually avoid that room like the plague) and proceed to mess up their sink, get blood on my jacket and try to figure out what to do. Finally I go out and ask the receptionist for help. She says come on in...well, it's kinda hard to pick up all my stuff and try to hold something to my mouth so I don't bleed all over your carpet. So she helps me and puts me in a room and shuts the door. Ok. Wait, wait. Well the bleeding stops except for the oozing and they bring in 02. Finally the doc comes in and I'm so happy, it's the aggressive one. She takes my chart to catch up and then comes back. I tell her I want surgery. Long story short, she said no. She said I have to balance this all....having surgery too often isn't good, it is risky and hard on me. She said if I keep bleeding for weeks, yes weeks, then they'll see. She said to rest and stay quiet at home. I got mad and told her I wouldn't live like that. It went on. Out of antibiotics, go to ICU to be desensitized if these I'm on now don't work, rest, but do normal activity, exercise, but don't work out... Every thing was so contradictory and confusing. It was hard for me to understand her today. She has a heavy accent but usually I don't have a problem. I think I was just so stunned and mad I didn't listen well. Then she really hurt me. She told me to get ready for transplant. That it would come sooner than I want it to. That I need to prepare myself.... I don't even remember all that she said. This is the doctor that has always told me if we can control the bleeding, I didn't need a transplant yet. Why the big change? Is she giving up on me too? It sure feels like it. Why?
We talked about my CT angio. She actually showed it to me. It was cool to see, but hard to understand what I was seeing. She did show me the "black holes" or hollows. The look like black holes, that's why I call them that. There are several. I also saw where things that should have a very thin lining is very thickened (like the stems on a bunch of grapes being overly fat) and the areas of total white scar tissue. There is little that looked good I think. I wonder if that is what has made her change her mind about me. I wish I'd never had that CT scan. They say my veins in the scan looked fine, I don't need surgery. They say my lungs look bad, I need a transplant. If I had never had that scan, they would be helping me for the bleeds and helping me think there is hope for much more time before a transplant. Right now I feel like I'm doomed to this all. And while I am waiting, I feel like that balancing act she is talking about is impossible. Don't have surgery, die from bleeding. Have surgery, die from surgery. Hmmmm. Fun toss up. I never felt that way about surgery until my friend died from the same procedure. But this bleeding is making my life impossible.
So, whatever. I try not to cry at the office, thinking just get to my car. I drive home and decide to stop for lunch. Another thing she got really mad at me about, my weight. So I try to put my new 02 bottle together and I can't make it work. No matter how tight I turn it, it leaks. I put it on so tight I can't even get it off, but it leaks. So I throw it on the floor, and just let it leak. I can do fast food without 02, I always do, but am worried because of the bleeding. So while sitting in my car, literally taking the keys out of the ignition, of course I start bleeding. I use up all my tissues and have to throw my water out of my cup so I can spit into that. How disgusting. I wait and wait. Finally I'm back to ooz but decide to go home instead of trying to eat. I'll just cry.
So home it is. I call Kelly and talk to him a little (at his insistence, I didn't want to talk while he was at work. I just wanted to know what time he got off today) and he came home early to help me. Help meaning just sit by me, listen to me vent, ask what ever he wanted to know that of course I had no answers for and then we took a nap. I would be such a basket case without him. But I don't want to mess up his new job too. When we were trying to nap, of course I had another bleed. And just a while ago, yet another. That makes 5 today. I'm supposed to do that for how long before they think it is enough? Shouldn't I decide whether or not I want to risk surgery? If I keep bleeding like this, there is no way I can go to school or shopping by myself...
I truly can't do this. Why have they given up on me?
As I was leaving the doctors, she is all smiles and tells me I'm one of their special patients and if she can do anything for me... I just shook my head.
I will keep trying to go on. I don't mean that in any kind of a suicide way, so no one panic! But I mean doing the things I need to do, and want to do. I'll try to figure out how to handle bleeding in public without panicking me or them. Know what's sad? I hadn't had a bleed in a week. Then I went to cousin lunch on Wednesday and school that night. Then today, bam. Is something as simple as sitting and talking, walking to class and sitting, that bad for me? Or is it just a coincidence? Who knows.
Oh, on an earlier post Carrie said I had been slacking and she wanted more posting, to make it up if I had to! Oh how I wish I was making this up. Sorry Carrie, no rose bush attacking me stories for a while, but maybe I'll check out the kitties and see what they are up to! Thanks so much for the Christmas pictures, that'll help my little book out a lot!
It started this morning at 6:30 am. Kelly had just finished doing my IV's and said good bye before leaving for work. Once awake I always realize I have to run down the hall, wonder why that is, you can sleep thru it but once awake there is no way to go back to sleep without answering the call. Anyway, I get back in bed and immediately start bleeding. Not huge amounts, but very annoying because I'm afraid to lay back down and make it worse. So I try to sit up for a while and then finally go to sleep.
I had to get up early anyway at 8 to get ready for a doctors appointment. So off I go to see the doc's, crossing my fingers I get one I like. Traffic was terrible, it was stopped from the minute I got on the 57 to almost Brea, then a bit of free flow, then stopping for the next umpteen miles due to the left overs from a 5 car pile up. But I made it only 5 minutes late and no more got settled in the waiting room than I start bleeding again. I run into the bathroom they have in the waiting room (usually avoid that room like the plague) and proceed to mess up their sink, get blood on my jacket and try to figure out what to do. Finally I go out and ask the receptionist for help. She says come on in...well, it's kinda hard to pick up all my stuff and try to hold something to my mouth so I don't bleed all over your carpet. So she helps me and puts me in a room and shuts the door. Ok. Wait, wait. Well the bleeding stops except for the oozing and they bring in 02. Finally the doc comes in and I'm so happy, it's the aggressive one. She takes my chart to catch up and then comes back. I tell her I want surgery. Long story short, she said no. She said I have to balance this all....having surgery too often isn't good, it is risky and hard on me. She said if I keep bleeding for weeks, yes weeks, then they'll see. She said to rest and stay quiet at home. I got mad and told her I wouldn't live like that. It went on. Out of antibiotics, go to ICU to be desensitized if these I'm on now don't work, rest, but do normal activity, exercise, but don't work out... Every thing was so contradictory and confusing. It was hard for me to understand her today. She has a heavy accent but usually I don't have a problem. I think I was just so stunned and mad I didn't listen well. Then she really hurt me. She told me to get ready for transplant. That it would come sooner than I want it to. That I need to prepare myself.... I don't even remember all that she said. This is the doctor that has always told me if we can control the bleeding, I didn't need a transplant yet. Why the big change? Is she giving up on me too? It sure feels like it. Why?
We talked about my CT angio. She actually showed it to me. It was cool to see, but hard to understand what I was seeing. She did show me the "black holes" or hollows. The look like black holes, that's why I call them that. There are several. I also saw where things that should have a very thin lining is very thickened (like the stems on a bunch of grapes being overly fat) and the areas of total white scar tissue. There is little that looked good I think. I wonder if that is what has made her change her mind about me. I wish I'd never had that CT scan. They say my veins in the scan looked fine, I don't need surgery. They say my lungs look bad, I need a transplant. If I had never had that scan, they would be helping me for the bleeds and helping me think there is hope for much more time before a transplant. Right now I feel like I'm doomed to this all. And while I am waiting, I feel like that balancing act she is talking about is impossible. Don't have surgery, die from bleeding. Have surgery, die from surgery. Hmmmm. Fun toss up. I never felt that way about surgery until my friend died from the same procedure. But this bleeding is making my life impossible.
So, whatever. I try not to cry at the office, thinking just get to my car. I drive home and decide to stop for lunch. Another thing she got really mad at me about, my weight. So I try to put my new 02 bottle together and I can't make it work. No matter how tight I turn it, it leaks. I put it on so tight I can't even get it off, but it leaks. So I throw it on the floor, and just let it leak. I can do fast food without 02, I always do, but am worried because of the bleeding. So while sitting in my car, literally taking the keys out of the ignition, of course I start bleeding. I use up all my tissues and have to throw my water out of my cup so I can spit into that. How disgusting. I wait and wait. Finally I'm back to ooz but decide to go home instead of trying to eat. I'll just cry.
So home it is. I call Kelly and talk to him a little (at his insistence, I didn't want to talk while he was at work. I just wanted to know what time he got off today) and he came home early to help me. Help meaning just sit by me, listen to me vent, ask what ever he wanted to know that of course I had no answers for and then we took a nap. I would be such a basket case without him. But I don't want to mess up his new job too. When we were trying to nap, of course I had another bleed. And just a while ago, yet another. That makes 5 today. I'm supposed to do that for how long before they think it is enough? Shouldn't I decide whether or not I want to risk surgery? If I keep bleeding like this, there is no way I can go to school or shopping by myself...
I truly can't do this. Why have they given up on me?
As I was leaving the doctors, she is all smiles and tells me I'm one of their special patients and if she can do anything for me... I just shook my head.
I will keep trying to go on. I don't mean that in any kind of a suicide way, so no one panic! But I mean doing the things I need to do, and want to do. I'll try to figure out how to handle bleeding in public without panicking me or them. Know what's sad? I hadn't had a bleed in a week. Then I went to cousin lunch on Wednesday and school that night. Then today, bam. Is something as simple as sitting and talking, walking to class and sitting, that bad for me? Or is it just a coincidence? Who knows.
Oh, on an earlier post Carrie said I had been slacking and she wanted more posting, to make it up if I had to! Oh how I wish I was making this up. Sorry Carrie, no rose bush attacking me stories for a while, but maybe I'll check out the kitties and see what they are up to! Thanks so much for the Christmas pictures, that'll help my little book out a lot!
Monday, February 12, 2007
trying to stay awake
So, not so many people are looking at my blog it seems, so I guess it is ok if I write just random thoughts!
I have to do IV's at 11 to 12:30 or so and I'm really tired now so I thought writing would help keep me awake. I have been feeling so poorly since starting IV's. I am itching terribly, my head is pounding and I think it might explode, my muscles ache like the flu, I can't keep any food in me, and I feel like I'm going to pass out every time I walk around. By walk around I mean down the hall way. So I'm hating life right now.
My friend Cheryl went to the grocery store for me today. I was originally going to ask her to go with me but today I didn't think I could make it walking around the store. So she went for me. It helped so much. I ate a bowl of chicken noodle soup and felt ok enough to stand up to take a shower. I'm sure the kitties and Kelly are glad about that!
So, people who read my blog a lot might remember a post I wrote about Kelly's job and his uber stupid mean bosses....and then that blog was gone? Well, I was politely asked to remove it as someone at his work read it and then took it to the bosses. Fine. I didn't care as Kelly was looking for a new job any way and everything I said was true, but I did as requested. Well, Kelly has been at his new job since December. He likes it so very much. He likes the people, he likes how they are direct with what they want and even trust Kelly to do his job. He isn't micro managed, back stabbed and harassed. And then, like someone coming to you out of the grave, he gets a review from his old boss. It wasn't asked for, it isn't needed (they have another system where he works now) and it is a moot point. But his boss sent a review and said they had to have it back right away. It is so full of what I call slander it is ridiculous. Every statement about Kelly ends with a dig such as he can do such and such, but he shouldn't be taken by surprise. What does that mean? He can't handle surprises? He let's the job go until he's surprises with the mess? Either way, it is just stupid. It said he shouldn't make commitments as he can't honor them. Excuse me, are we back to me almost dying and him taking time off of work? It went on and on with things that are just lies. It even says he was given one person to do something and that person quit....implying that it was all Kelly's fault for someone finding a better job? Then he was dinged on not finishing a project and writing all the procedures when in fact he was "given" the new job and no training what so ever only a few weeks before he left. With all the crap he was given did they think he would just work from or after his new job (the real new one where he's at now) to finish something they never taught him to do any how? I know I'm rambling but it is just stupid. So he wrote a comment back that he didn't think this review was accurate, that no one is available 24/7 (oh, that was one of the criticisms, they said he should have been available 24/7 and no one could reach him...what, they had his pager, his cell, his home #. How come when I called I could always reach him at his desk?) and that was true when he was out of the office due to the illness of his wife, that it wasn't his fault if someone quit and he was without support of management when he was there, so how could he perform his job to any standard let alone get improvements made? These are my words but that is the gist of it.
He let his current boss read the full evaluation and his boss said he also received something else, but hasn't told Kelly what it is or what it says. It's like they can't stand that he has moved on and is doing well. The current bosses don't care at all what it says. They have told Kelly that sometimes you just end up working with someone who is intimidated by your skills or is just a jerk and they treat you badly. All they have seen from Kelly is good work and they are thrilled to have him. They said that he has done even more than they hoped for when they hired him.
So there :D old bosses. You are out, you can't hurt Kelly any more. In fact we are finding out that there is a work benefit for time off for medical or family medical, that can be figured out before any emergency comes up, and then you have, I forget how many days you can take off a year, but there are no repercussions from it. Funny how the other job never told him about this. He has also been told how they demoted him without any warnings or being written up, is totally not allowed. That the HR person should have stepped in. Kelly let them know that there is no HR where he came from. And the things his first boss said to him when he got the promotion...could have been reason for that person to be written up... I don't know but it was not ok and would never happen at a true facility where there were people to monitor these people and their behavior.
So we're happy, Kelly is happy and he just keeps on doing is job and helping everyone he can!
Next...I got turned into collections again. Are you ready for this, it is for the huge amount of ...da da da da....$35.00 I am so sick of this. I called and again, they didn't bill medicare. And the letter says that CHOC has a new system and may never have even billed you for this....
So they don't bill you they just turn you in to collections? Is that legal? I'm not paying though, I'm making them do their job and bill medicare. It would be easy to pay and make it go away, but it's the principle. I hate these people. And I continue to get a letter a day, even thought I've talked to them. I talked to my other insurance about another matter because they have not been paying bills. I was told it is all taken care of...but today all the statements came again and nope, they still aren't paid. They are not going to be happy when I call tomorrow, because I feel like crap, and if I have to use my limited energy on them they are going to hear it!
So that's it at the Sweeten household. I didn't go to school tonite and we watched Lost and 24 (tivo'ed). Kelly is sleeping and I'm itching. You should see me in between sentences! itch itch itch.
Well, guess that took a little time, now I'll go watch General Hospital. There's a hostage situation you know? Robin has been shot, Sonny beaten up and Elizabeth is in labor...what's next?
I have to do IV's at 11 to 12:30 or so and I'm really tired now so I thought writing would help keep me awake. I have been feeling so poorly since starting IV's. I am itching terribly, my head is pounding and I think it might explode, my muscles ache like the flu, I can't keep any food in me, and I feel like I'm going to pass out every time I walk around. By walk around I mean down the hall way. So I'm hating life right now.
My friend Cheryl went to the grocery store for me today. I was originally going to ask her to go with me but today I didn't think I could make it walking around the store. So she went for me. It helped so much. I ate a bowl of chicken noodle soup and felt ok enough to stand up to take a shower. I'm sure the kitties and Kelly are glad about that!
So, people who read my blog a lot might remember a post I wrote about Kelly's job and his uber stupid mean bosses....and then that blog was gone? Well, I was politely asked to remove it as someone at his work read it and then took it to the bosses. Fine. I didn't care as Kelly was looking for a new job any way and everything I said was true, but I did as requested. Well, Kelly has been at his new job since December. He likes it so very much. He likes the people, he likes how they are direct with what they want and even trust Kelly to do his job. He isn't micro managed, back stabbed and harassed. And then, like someone coming to you out of the grave, he gets a review from his old boss. It wasn't asked for, it isn't needed (they have another system where he works now) and it is a moot point. But his boss sent a review and said they had to have it back right away. It is so full of what I call slander it is ridiculous. Every statement about Kelly ends with a dig such as he can do such and such, but he shouldn't be taken by surprise. What does that mean? He can't handle surprises? He let's the job go until he's surprises with the mess? Either way, it is just stupid. It said he shouldn't make commitments as he can't honor them. Excuse me, are we back to me almost dying and him taking time off of work? It went on and on with things that are just lies. It even says he was given one person to do something and that person quit....implying that it was all Kelly's fault for someone finding a better job? Then he was dinged on not finishing a project and writing all the procedures when in fact he was "given" the new job and no training what so ever only a few weeks before he left. With all the crap he was given did they think he would just work from or after his new job (the real new one where he's at now) to finish something they never taught him to do any how? I know I'm rambling but it is just stupid. So he wrote a comment back that he didn't think this review was accurate, that no one is available 24/7 (oh, that was one of the criticisms, they said he should have been available 24/7 and no one could reach him...what, they had his pager, his cell, his home #. How come when I called I could always reach him at his desk?) and that was true when he was out of the office due to the illness of his wife, that it wasn't his fault if someone quit and he was without support of management when he was there, so how could he perform his job to any standard let alone get improvements made? These are my words but that is the gist of it.
He let his current boss read the full evaluation and his boss said he also received something else, but hasn't told Kelly what it is or what it says. It's like they can't stand that he has moved on and is doing well. The current bosses don't care at all what it says. They have told Kelly that sometimes you just end up working with someone who is intimidated by your skills or is just a jerk and they treat you badly. All they have seen from Kelly is good work and they are thrilled to have him. They said that he has done even more than they hoped for when they hired him.
So there :D old bosses. You are out, you can't hurt Kelly any more. In fact we are finding out that there is a work benefit for time off for medical or family medical, that can be figured out before any emergency comes up, and then you have, I forget how many days you can take off a year, but there are no repercussions from it. Funny how the other job never told him about this. He has also been told how they demoted him without any warnings or being written up, is totally not allowed. That the HR person should have stepped in. Kelly let them know that there is no HR where he came from. And the things his first boss said to him when he got the promotion...could have been reason for that person to be written up... I don't know but it was not ok and would never happen at a true facility where there were people to monitor these people and their behavior.
So we're happy, Kelly is happy and he just keeps on doing is job and helping everyone he can!
Next...I got turned into collections again. Are you ready for this, it is for the huge amount of ...da da da da....$35.00 I am so sick of this. I called and again, they didn't bill medicare. And the letter says that CHOC has a new system and may never have even billed you for this....
So they don't bill you they just turn you in to collections? Is that legal? I'm not paying though, I'm making them do their job and bill medicare. It would be easy to pay and make it go away, but it's the principle. I hate these people. And I continue to get a letter a day, even thought I've talked to them. I talked to my other insurance about another matter because they have not been paying bills. I was told it is all taken care of...but today all the statements came again and nope, they still aren't paid. They are not going to be happy when I call tomorrow, because I feel like crap, and if I have to use my limited energy on them they are going to hear it!
So that's it at the Sweeten household. I didn't go to school tonite and we watched Lost and 24 (tivo'ed). Kelly is sleeping and I'm itching. You should see me in between sentences! itch itch itch.
Well, guess that took a little time, now I'll go watch General Hospital. There's a hostage situation you know? Robin has been shot, Sonny beaten up and Elizabeth is in labor...what's next?
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Ok...USC visit
So, as a few days have gone by and my brain has rested I guess the USC visit wasn't too bad. I met with the director of surgery. I think that was his title. Anyway, he went over how they do the surgery, where they cut, how long it takes, where they attach the new lungs. All things I already know. But then he started telling me that with all my extra veins and arteries that keep growing, the surgery would be harder (for the surgeon) as they would have to take a lot of time either cauterizing those veins or doing something so that they wouldn't bleed. It sounded like it will make things harder. He also talked about having to put me on a heart lung bypass for 3 or 4 hours of the surgery. I think that is so that they can get all the veins taken care of. I thought he implied that it would be something they needed to do in my case, that they didn't do that for every one's surgery, but since I've been thinking about it after talking to my aunt, I think maybe they do do that with everyone. I'm going to have to find out about that. But it still freaks me out. He talked about time in the hospital, like 3 weeks. And we talked about my score. He said that he felt I would be placed in the low to mid 20's range. He didn't know my calculated score. Now remember the scoring is 0-100 and the higher the number, the higher on the list you are. So low 20's sounded good to me. But also remember that people get transplanted in the 30's and 40's, it just depends on the situation. He let me know that the average wait at USC is 96 days. That almost made me faint. 96 days? I don't think I'll be ready in 96 days. I thought maybe next year or so. But he did let me know that one person was called in 12 days and another has been waiting something like 272 days. He doesn't know that I know Mr. 272 days. He is anxiously waiting and I hope his lungs come in time.
Anyhow, further adding to the having no idea when it can happen is the fact of my blood type. I'm 0+ and can only accept blood or organs from other 0 people. But if I were an A or B...I could accept an organ from the type I was (A or B) and from the 0 people and I think there's other combinations. So my availability of donors is smaller and when an 0 does come up, everyone can use that organ, not just other 0's. So that can make it take longer. I told him I was ok with that!
So I came home with my head reeling...thinking of 96 days. And of course I had to have a couple bleeds that day to make sure I was even more confused. After I got home I wrote to the transplant coordinator to ask a couple of questions. He let me know that my score had been calculated and that I was actually higher than average. Higher??? What is the average? I forgot to ask. He also said my bleeding played no part in my score, that it was based on all the tests I took, not anything else. I thought that the bleeding was what put me higher. How can I feel so ok and be told that I really truly do need a transplant and that if I had no bleeds (which are our major concern) that I would still be scored higher than average and be told I need a transplant?So they tested my heart pressure which is a little high as shown by my right heart catheter, my ability to walk as far as I could in 6 minutes ( I thought I did so good), my PFT's, did anecho and ekg...what else did I do? My kidney test, at least they are fine... my psyc eval should have knocked me out of the running I'm such a mess :) I can't remember what else.
So to make a long story even longer, I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen or when. I'm going to start making my lists. Lists of who to call for what, who can do what when, who will just want to know, my advanced directive, my will, my power of attorney, my phone list....
So that is that. This weekend I'm not doing anything. I talked to my Aunt Sharyn for about 2 hours Thursday night. She really helped me by just letting me talk. I think I repeated myself over and over and she's heard it all before when she was here. But she also gave me a lot to think about helped me to just absorb it all. She also talked to me about a friend in her life that just died, and as morbid as it is, it helped me to just think about someone else for a change. It was a really sad thing that happened, but it was an elderly gentleman and I guess it was his time. I wish my aunt lived closer, but she's always available if I need her.
So that's it for me, transplant and panic. Hopefully it will get easier over time and I'll feel comfortable with whatever decision I make. Oh, my bleeding has finally seemed to stop. I bled about 2 or 3 times a day until Thursday. Nothing Friday or today so keep your fingers crossed. I'm feeling pretty congested though and I don't know if it's infection or just left over crud from bleeding but I started IV's even though I swore I wasn't going to do them this year!
Stay tuned to hear about other events that are annoying in the next blog!
Anyhow, further adding to the having no idea when it can happen is the fact of my blood type. I'm 0+ and can only accept blood or organs from other 0 people. But if I were an A or B...I could accept an organ from the type I was (A or B) and from the 0 people and I think there's other combinations. So my availability of donors is smaller and when an 0 does come up, everyone can use that organ, not just other 0's. So that can make it take longer. I told him I was ok with that!
So I came home with my head reeling...thinking of 96 days. And of course I had to have a couple bleeds that day to make sure I was even more confused. After I got home I wrote to the transplant coordinator to ask a couple of questions. He let me know that my score had been calculated and that I was actually higher than average. Higher??? What is the average? I forgot to ask. He also said my bleeding played no part in my score, that it was based on all the tests I took, not anything else. I thought that the bleeding was what put me higher. How can I feel so ok and be told that I really truly do need a transplant and that if I had no bleeds (which are our major concern) that I would still be scored higher than average and be told I need a transplant?So they tested my heart pressure which is a little high as shown by my right heart catheter, my ability to walk as far as I could in 6 minutes ( I thought I did so good), my PFT's, did anecho and ekg...what else did I do? My kidney test, at least they are fine... my psyc eval should have knocked me out of the running I'm such a mess :) I can't remember what else.
So to make a long story even longer, I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen or when. I'm going to start making my lists. Lists of who to call for what, who can do what when, who will just want to know, my advanced directive, my will, my power of attorney, my phone list....
So that is that. This weekend I'm not doing anything. I talked to my Aunt Sharyn for about 2 hours Thursday night. She really helped me by just letting me talk. I think I repeated myself over and over and she's heard it all before when she was here. But she also gave me a lot to think about helped me to just absorb it all. She also talked to me about a friend in her life that just died, and as morbid as it is, it helped me to just think about someone else for a change. It was a really sad thing that happened, but it was an elderly gentleman and I guess it was his time. I wish my aunt lived closer, but she's always available if I need her.
So that's it for me, transplant and panic. Hopefully it will get easier over time and I'll feel comfortable with whatever decision I make. Oh, my bleeding has finally seemed to stop. I bled about 2 or 3 times a day until Thursday. Nothing Friday or today so keep your fingers crossed. I'm feeling pretty congested though and I don't know if it's infection or just left over crud from bleeding but I started IV's even though I swore I wasn't going to do them this year!
Stay tuned to hear about other events that are annoying in the next blog!
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
It's time to blog
So, what about the mean lady at the grocery store, you ask? Well, I had finished my shopping and was putting my stuff in the trunk. I parked in handicapped. There was a trashy red car next to me with this huge, huge, huge lady trying to get out. In the time I put my groceries in the back, walked my cart back to the holding area, and was on my way back to my car, she still hadn't been able to get out of her car. As I passed behind her, she yells, "and what's so handicapped about you?" in this really rude voice. I turned around and just looked at her, my 02 in my nose. I glared the glare of the killer eyeballs. She should have whithered and gone away, but she didn't. She goes, "oh, well, then I guess it's ok" I just stared at her and said "you have no right to be so rude." She starts mumbling to herself that she just doesn't know these days, about people. I felt like saying, just cuz I'm not fat and trashy like you doesn't mean I don't have my own problems. The only reason I could see for her being in handicapped was the fact that she weighed 500 lbs and couldn't get out of her car. I would never accuse her of not needing to be there. It just really pissed me off. I always get dirty looks, especially if I'm only going in somewhere for one thing and don't wear my 02. Why does everyone think they know,or have the right to know, what is going on with people they don't have a clue about?
Ok, so writing it down doesn't make it sound as bad as it felt that day. But I was mad!!!
And next subject...hemoptysis..or bleeding from the lungs. I am so MAD, ANNOYED, SICK OF IT, and scared. I went to have a CT angiogram on Thursday the 1st. This was supposed to show a good view of my veins and arteries to see if there were any that were enlarged, overly infected or that looked as if they were going to break. They didn't keep me there or call back that day, so we assumed there were no immediate problems. Two months ago I bled about 8 times in 28 days. Small amounts, not such a big deal. In the last 30 days, I had no bleeding at all. Very good.
In the days after this CT...I bled Saturday night, a good size amount, Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Monday afternoon (at the movies, I'm sure Merle loved it) Monday evening right on the way to school, Tuesday just after midnight, and then Wednesday about 4am.
On Monday I talked to the CF doctor. He tells me the CT angio showed nothing, everything is fine. I tell him I'm bleeding daily and it isn't all fine. I wanted to know if the flushing of 200cc's of contrast dye could have been causing this? If my already weak veins were pushed too hard and are now bleeding? He says if it was going to happen, it would have happened on the table. I still have my doubts and think the dye caused this. Anyway, all he wants to do is put me on IV's. Well IV's have never helped me with bleeds before. I haven't started them yet. Maybe tonite. If I keep bleeding though, I will insist on having another surgery as obviously something is wrong. I really like this doctor, but he is so the laid back of the three I see, he always just wants to wait and see. Well, I don't feel like I have time to wait any more. I DO NOT want to have a repeat of last year. I don't just mean in July. I mean the entire year of being on pins and needles, of having 5 surgeries. I want to be proactive and take care of it now. I'm so very frustrated.
Oh, and while I'm talking to him he lets me know that the CT did show a "hollow spot" in my left lung. I can't remember if he said the upper or lower, but it's left back. I didn't know what a hollow was. Basically it's where my lung has rotted away and there is no lung tissue left. Yep, my lung is gone. Not the whole thing, maybe 1/4th of it or more. I just felt sad. He said that it can be completely gone or just a slimy lump of rotted tissue. Like decomposing. How disgusting. If it causes problems in terms of holding puss or infection, it may have to be removed. At this time we don't think that's what any of my problems are. They wouldn't know if there is any infection unless they went in I guess. But for now, nothing will be done.
It is just so hard to keep hearing more and more bad stuff about myself. I feel good. I don't feel sick. I have put myself on prednisone this week because I was having such a hard time breathing, so now I feel really good! I wish I could be on it all the time, but that's not an option. But when your brain says "I feel good" and your doctor says, "Your lungs are rotting away", it's hard to make it all make sense. Wanting to have surgery to take care of one problem and having the doc that says...let's just wait...very frustrating. If I had spoken to the more aggressive doctor, she would have had me in that day probably. Maybe not. I just don't know any more. It hasn't been large amounts, meaning a cup or more, but I'm sick of not feeling like I can go anywhere because I might bleed. Monday when I put my hand on the doorknob to leave for class and started bleeding, I waited for it to be fairly done, then grabbed a bunch of tissues and left for school. I figured if I was still oozing by the time I got there, I wouldn't go. ( I always ooze for a while after the original bleeding is done ) But it had stopped enough that I went to class, walked very quietly and slowly and prayed "Please don't bleed, please don't bleed." I don't want to stop doing what I do, but I'm afraid. Kelly is even more afraid. I wish he could be given the same drug I was given in July so that he would forget too. He has nightmares about me bleeding to death, and I have nightmares about watching myself bleed in the mirror. We're both tired.
Anyway, yesterday was a visit with the transplant surgeon. That is too much for my fingers to type now. Or rather, too much for my brain to assemble. More bad news, more scary stuff, more cognitive dissonance. So till I blog again....I think I'll go eat sweets.
Ok, so writing it down doesn't make it sound as bad as it felt that day. But I was mad!!!
And next subject...hemoptysis..or bleeding from the lungs. I am so MAD, ANNOYED, SICK OF IT, and scared. I went to have a CT angiogram on Thursday the 1st. This was supposed to show a good view of my veins and arteries to see if there were any that were enlarged, overly infected or that looked as if they were going to break. They didn't keep me there or call back that day, so we assumed there were no immediate problems. Two months ago I bled about 8 times in 28 days. Small amounts, not such a big deal. In the last 30 days, I had no bleeding at all. Very good.
In the days after this CT...I bled Saturday night, a good size amount, Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Monday afternoon (at the movies, I'm sure Merle loved it) Monday evening right on the way to school, Tuesday just after midnight, and then Wednesday about 4am.
On Monday I talked to the CF doctor. He tells me the CT angio showed nothing, everything is fine. I tell him I'm bleeding daily and it isn't all fine. I wanted to know if the flushing of 200cc's of contrast dye could have been causing this? If my already weak veins were pushed too hard and are now bleeding? He says if it was going to happen, it would have happened on the table. I still have my doubts and think the dye caused this. Anyway, all he wants to do is put me on IV's. Well IV's have never helped me with bleeds before. I haven't started them yet. Maybe tonite. If I keep bleeding though, I will insist on having another surgery as obviously something is wrong. I really like this doctor, but he is so the laid back of the three I see, he always just wants to wait and see. Well, I don't feel like I have time to wait any more. I DO NOT want to have a repeat of last year. I don't just mean in July. I mean the entire year of being on pins and needles, of having 5 surgeries. I want to be proactive and take care of it now. I'm so very frustrated.
Oh, and while I'm talking to him he lets me know that the CT did show a "hollow spot" in my left lung. I can't remember if he said the upper or lower, but it's left back. I didn't know what a hollow was. Basically it's where my lung has rotted away and there is no lung tissue left. Yep, my lung is gone. Not the whole thing, maybe 1/4th of it or more. I just felt sad. He said that it can be completely gone or just a slimy lump of rotted tissue. Like decomposing. How disgusting. If it causes problems in terms of holding puss or infection, it may have to be removed. At this time we don't think that's what any of my problems are. They wouldn't know if there is any infection unless they went in I guess. But for now, nothing will be done.
It is just so hard to keep hearing more and more bad stuff about myself. I feel good. I don't feel sick. I have put myself on prednisone this week because I was having such a hard time breathing, so now I feel really good! I wish I could be on it all the time, but that's not an option. But when your brain says "I feel good" and your doctor says, "Your lungs are rotting away", it's hard to make it all make sense. Wanting to have surgery to take care of one problem and having the doc that says...let's just wait...very frustrating. If I had spoken to the more aggressive doctor, she would have had me in that day probably. Maybe not. I just don't know any more. It hasn't been large amounts, meaning a cup or more, but I'm sick of not feeling like I can go anywhere because I might bleed. Monday when I put my hand on the doorknob to leave for class and started bleeding, I waited for it to be fairly done, then grabbed a bunch of tissues and left for school. I figured if I was still oozing by the time I got there, I wouldn't go. ( I always ooze for a while after the original bleeding is done ) But it had stopped enough that I went to class, walked very quietly and slowly and prayed "Please don't bleed, please don't bleed." I don't want to stop doing what I do, but I'm afraid. Kelly is even more afraid. I wish he could be given the same drug I was given in July so that he would forget too. He has nightmares about me bleeding to death, and I have nightmares about watching myself bleed in the mirror. We're both tired.
Anyway, yesterday was a visit with the transplant surgeon. That is too much for my fingers to type now. Or rather, too much for my brain to assemble. More bad news, more scary stuff, more cognitive dissonance. So till I blog again....I think I'll go eat sweets.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
I'm listed....yipee?
Well, I got the call Wednesday that I am in fact a candidate for bilateral lung transplant and that they have accepted me into their program.
I was getting my nails done Wednesday afternoon, and my cell phone rang. Well, as the only person that calls me on my cell is Kelly, and I knew I could call him back, I ignored it. My nails were goopy at that point. So when I went out to my car and listened to my message, the transplant coordinator said, in a grave voice, that he needed to talk to me about what they discussed at the meeting today. He hemmed and stammered a bit and said, please call me and told me what times he'd be in the office. The tone of his voice and that we needed to talk...I thought crap, they aren't going to list me. What do I do then? Everything is getting so hard, breathing is a chore, what if I can never have a transplant? What if they found something with my health that says I can't have one? Panic.
So I went home and called him. He told me I'm listed! I immediately thought, what if they call me right away? I'm not that sick. I don't really need a transplant.
Can you say schizophrenic? Neurotic? Plum loco?
He said he hadn't calculated my score yet, but that when he did he could let me know if it looked immediate or long term for waiting. I am getting to know a man that is listed at USC also, and he has had the social worker calling him to tell him that he has almost been called twice, but the lungs were no good. So he is someone that is ready, and wanting a transplant now. I'm assuming they won't say I'm that ready (health wise) yet. This man has been listed since June and he wants a transplant asap...so I'm sure I have at least 6 months to wait till I start to panic in earnest!
I'm as confused as ever, but closer to knowing that it will happen one day. It's the walking down the hallway and being out of breath that has me feeling that way. I did one of the 5 planters in the front yard Thursday. Sitting on the bricks pulling weeds is ok, even though my legs are killing me now. But each time I had to get up to empty my box of weeds, I had to rest before I could start again. Bending over to reach the back of the planter makes it very hard to breathe. When I was done I swept up my mess and I thought that would kill me, but I refuse to not be able to do something. It's just so hard. Then I hosed off the driveway and I had cleaned off the porch the other day...had to get rid of the frozen crunchy plant...and that's it for me! But the front of the house looks nice. Just don't look anywhere else! I need to prune 6 more roses, then the 5 climbing roses, then the rest of the palms and the weeds. I should be done by spring!! The back yard? Well...let's just not go there! Anyway, the point of this rambling story is that I shouldn't have been so out of breath, literally just from standing up. It shouldn't have taken me 3 hours to do one planter, and I didn't even get to the climbing roses. So I am aware of my lungs getting worse. I'm trying my best to stay in some sort of shape, but it's not easy. I feel like I spend all my time cleaning or doing chores, because it takes me so long. I'm the one who wants my house clean or my yard done, so I'm the only one putting pressure on me. Kelly would never get mad at me if I couldn't do stuff. But I like it a certain way. But then I get so sick of working every day, errrrrr.
Next week is going to be a busy one. I have a drug study appt. on Tuesday and I hope to get home in time to go material shopping with my sister. I have the dentist on Wednesday...do you think that will ever be over? Thursday I have a procedure..surgery..what ever you want to call it. I'm having a CT angiogram to see if any of my arteries are enlarged enough to be worried about them. I'm not sure if they'll actually do the embolization at that time if there are problems or if they'll have to get insurance approval and then have me come back. I hope it will be in one fell swoop. The drugs are fun, but the laying flat is sure not, nor is the pain that comes after.
My cousin Merle and I are going to see a movie on Monday, so that will be nice. Michelle will be coming down next weekend, I hope I feel ok. I got most of the house clean yesterday and today so I just have to do the guest room. Cross your fingers nothing is wrong, no embolizations and no pain.
Tonite Kelly and I went to dinner with a friend from his old job and his wife. They are the nicest people. I wish we saw each other more often. They don't live that far, it just seems like stuff always comes up! We ate and talked and talked...they are all smart people so I told them I would just talk in sign language and then I'd be the smart one! ha
So guess that's all. Later I'll tell you about the mean lady at the grocery store, my sign teacher at Chaffey and other fun stuff! Good night!
I was getting my nails done Wednesday afternoon, and my cell phone rang. Well, as the only person that calls me on my cell is Kelly, and I knew I could call him back, I ignored it. My nails were goopy at that point. So when I went out to my car and listened to my message, the transplant coordinator said, in a grave voice, that he needed to talk to me about what they discussed at the meeting today. He hemmed and stammered a bit and said, please call me and told me what times he'd be in the office. The tone of his voice and that we needed to talk...I thought crap, they aren't going to list me. What do I do then? Everything is getting so hard, breathing is a chore, what if I can never have a transplant? What if they found something with my health that says I can't have one? Panic.
So I went home and called him. He told me I'm listed! I immediately thought, what if they call me right away? I'm not that sick. I don't really need a transplant.
Can you say schizophrenic? Neurotic? Plum loco?
He said he hadn't calculated my score yet, but that when he did he could let me know if it looked immediate or long term for waiting. I am getting to know a man that is listed at USC also, and he has had the social worker calling him to tell him that he has almost been called twice, but the lungs were no good. So he is someone that is ready, and wanting a transplant now. I'm assuming they won't say I'm that ready (health wise) yet. This man has been listed since June and he wants a transplant asap...so I'm sure I have at least 6 months to wait till I start to panic in earnest!
I'm as confused as ever, but closer to knowing that it will happen one day. It's the walking down the hallway and being out of breath that has me feeling that way. I did one of the 5 planters in the front yard Thursday. Sitting on the bricks pulling weeds is ok, even though my legs are killing me now. But each time I had to get up to empty my box of weeds, I had to rest before I could start again. Bending over to reach the back of the planter makes it very hard to breathe. When I was done I swept up my mess and I thought that would kill me, but I refuse to not be able to do something. It's just so hard. Then I hosed off the driveway and I had cleaned off the porch the other day...had to get rid of the frozen crunchy plant...and that's it for me! But the front of the house looks nice. Just don't look anywhere else! I need to prune 6 more roses, then the 5 climbing roses, then the rest of the palms and the weeds. I should be done by spring!! The back yard? Well...let's just not go there! Anyway, the point of this rambling story is that I shouldn't have been so out of breath, literally just from standing up. It shouldn't have taken me 3 hours to do one planter, and I didn't even get to the climbing roses. So I am aware of my lungs getting worse. I'm trying my best to stay in some sort of shape, but it's not easy. I feel like I spend all my time cleaning or doing chores, because it takes me so long. I'm the one who wants my house clean or my yard done, so I'm the only one putting pressure on me. Kelly would never get mad at me if I couldn't do stuff. But I like it a certain way. But then I get so sick of working every day, errrrrr.
Next week is going to be a busy one. I have a drug study appt. on Tuesday and I hope to get home in time to go material shopping with my sister. I have the dentist on Wednesday...do you think that will ever be over? Thursday I have a procedure..surgery..what ever you want to call it. I'm having a CT angiogram to see if any of my arteries are enlarged enough to be worried about them. I'm not sure if they'll actually do the embolization at that time if there are problems or if they'll have to get insurance approval and then have me come back. I hope it will be in one fell swoop. The drugs are fun, but the laying flat is sure not, nor is the pain that comes after.
My cousin Merle and I are going to see a movie on Monday, so that will be nice. Michelle will be coming down next weekend, I hope I feel ok. I got most of the house clean yesterday and today so I just have to do the guest room. Cross your fingers nothing is wrong, no embolizations and no pain.
Tonite Kelly and I went to dinner with a friend from his old job and his wife. They are the nicest people. I wish we saw each other more often. They don't live that far, it just seems like stuff always comes up! We ate and talked and talked...they are all smart people so I told them I would just talk in sign language and then I'd be the smart one! ha
So guess that's all. Later I'll tell you about the mean lady at the grocery store, my sign teacher at Chaffey and other fun stuff! Good night!
Friday, January 19, 2007
many topics
So, what a long day. Fun, but long. Yesterday I met Lynn at the quilting convention and went to a lunch and demonstration with her. It was very fun. The teacher was hilarious. Lunch, not so much. But it was a short time and then I left. Today, she picked me up at 11 and we didn't get home till 5 ish. There was a 1 hour showing of quilts, but other than that and a short stop to eat I was on my feet, walking, walking, walking. With 100 pounds of 02 on my back. Well ok, it wasn't 100 pounds but it sure felt like it by the end of the day! There has to be an easier way. Yes there is the kind you pull, but the arthritis in my elbows prevents me from doing that for more than a very short (30 minutes) while. Anyway, I got some very cute material. "Carol, I didn't know you quilted", you say....well heck I don't! But the material was so cute I couldn't resist and my sister swears she is going to get me to make a quilt! We'll see! I was wiped out, but Lynn went back for a quilt class or group, whatever it's called, to do a quilt from 6 PM to 6 AM. Yep, she's gonna be there all night! I gave her a key so she could come sleep here if she can't make it home.
Anyway, after she dropped me off, Kelly and I went to eat and then to sign language class. His is from 6:30 to 7:30. He did great! Now he can understand me when I can't talk ( I lose my voice a lot) but do you know what he told the class, in sign language? The teacher asked how much sign language he knew. He was supposed to say a little, some, a lot.... He said and I quote "crazy woman, her". Meaning that's what he knew.. the words "she's a crazy woman". Hey, that's not nice!!! But the class enjoyed it. Then he went home and my class was from 7:30 to 9. Now I'm home and tired but thought I'd write. What a fun day it was!
Let's see, what other topic...hmmmmm. Oh, transplant eval. As far as I know, I've done all the tests, some twice. But still no answer. The transplant coordinator called while I was gone and told Kelly I have to do something more, not sure what it is, but that it wouldn't slow down the process. I'll find out Monday I guess. On the regular medical front...my primary doc did regular blood work which showed my three month blood sugar level is 6.3 (should be under 7), my cholesterol is 183, my other levels are all good, but I'm anemic. So wanted more testing to see if there was a problem like bleeding and no there's no other problem but I'm low in iron, B-12 and folic acid. Weird. So yup, more supplements. I'm hoping if we get the anemic part fixed I won't be so tired all the time.
Lastly, I'm afraid all my plants are dead. They are crunchy and not happy at all. My few potted plants are ok because I put them in the garage with blankets on (towels on them) but the outdoor stuff...not so good. It will be interesting come spring to see what grows and what doesn't. I'm not supposed to be playing in the dirt (aspergillis from the dirt can get in your lungs...yea yea yea...I've been playing in the dirt for years) but think this year I'll be in the dirt a lot replacing plants. Hmmm, my chance to relandscape, what do I want?
So I think that's all. I'm off to do med's and see how long my eyes will stay open. Oh, in case anyone wondered, Kelly is really loving his new job. People, good, drive, good, work load, good, fun, yep. Whewwww. I'm so happy for him. Ok, really that's all now. Bye
Anyway, after she dropped me off, Kelly and I went to eat and then to sign language class. His is from 6:30 to 7:30. He did great! Now he can understand me when I can't talk ( I lose my voice a lot) but do you know what he told the class, in sign language? The teacher asked how much sign language he knew. He was supposed to say a little, some, a lot.... He said and I quote "crazy woman, her". Meaning that's what he knew.. the words "she's a crazy woman". Hey, that's not nice!!! But the class enjoyed it. Then he went home and my class was from 7:30 to 9. Now I'm home and tired but thought I'd write. What a fun day it was!
Let's see, what other topic...hmmmmm. Oh, transplant eval. As far as I know, I've done all the tests, some twice. But still no answer. The transplant coordinator called while I was gone and told Kelly I have to do something more, not sure what it is, but that it wouldn't slow down the process. I'll find out Monday I guess. On the regular medical front...my primary doc did regular blood work which showed my three month blood sugar level is 6.3 (should be under 7), my cholesterol is 183, my other levels are all good, but I'm anemic. So wanted more testing to see if there was a problem like bleeding and no there's no other problem but I'm low in iron, B-12 and folic acid. Weird. So yup, more supplements. I'm hoping if we get the anemic part fixed I won't be so tired all the time.
Lastly, I'm afraid all my plants are dead. They are crunchy and not happy at all. My few potted plants are ok because I put them in the garage with blankets on (towels on them) but the outdoor stuff...not so good. It will be interesting come spring to see what grows and what doesn't. I'm not supposed to be playing in the dirt (aspergillis from the dirt can get in your lungs...yea yea yea...I've been playing in the dirt for years) but think this year I'll be in the dirt a lot replacing plants. Hmmm, my chance to relandscape, what do I want?
So I think that's all. I'm off to do med's and see how long my eyes will stay open. Oh, in case anyone wondered, Kelly is really loving his new job. People, good, drive, good, work load, good, fun, yep. Whewwww. I'm so happy for him. Ok, really that's all now. Bye
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
It's too darn cold!
What the heck is going on? Is California having a REAL winter? Good thing I've got really warm coats. The other morning, Kelly woke me up to look outside and said "look, everything is white". Well my brain was still asleep and I was thinking "yea, so?" Then he had me look out the sliding glass door and I saw a two or three inch layer of white stuff on the brick planters. Oh, I get it. I thought it was snow but he said it was hail. And then I noticed all the white yards and roofs he was trying to show me before. I was afraid for him to drive to work if the roads were frozen. It started raining and the "white stuff" didn't go away!
Well, he waited a while to leave for work and I went back to bed. When I got up it was sunny, not a cloud to be seen, and no white stuff left. I'd have never known if he hadn't shown me! I do have a picture and will post it if I ever learn how!
I've received a picture from my friend who was in Albuquerque for Christmas, it snowed there about a foot. She grew up there and it never snowed there that much. I received a picture from my Aunt in Oregon. She lives on the coast...another picture, another snow, another snow man!
It doesn't usually snow that much there, if at all. I'm not sure.
What the heck? Freezing in Dallas and Austin? I've had to put little blankets on my plants so they don't die. The plant in front is all crispy and I don't think it'll make it back. I just pruned all my roses a few days before this weather. I hope they live. I don't want to replace 15 rose bushes!
Other than that, I went to my first night of sign language class at Chaffey. Only sign I is open, but I think it will be too easy for me. I recognized the teachers name so stopped to ask her if she was related to...She said yes but we got divorced 6 years ago. Oops, next subject!
Before class it was very cold (class starts at 8PM) and all the stupid teenagers had on windbreakers or those half sweater that they think are so cute. Some even had on flip flops. They were all shivering and blowing their noses....heee heee. I may have looked dorky in my mountain man coat, but I was warm as toast! The class before us didn't get out and didn't get out. Finally I went in and said we were waiting, so the other class was let out. You'd think someone would have thanked me, but NOOOOO. They were all afraid to even look at me with my 02 on. It was sounding really loud out there in the quiet cold air. No one even sat by me when we got in. But if I stay in this class, they'll want to sit by me soon enough when they find out that I already know most all from this class! I'm going to try to get into Sign II at the Norco campus of Riverside Comm. College. Then maybe I can go on to III. Novel idea...how many schools can you take I and II at?
So that's it for me. I'm having lunch at the quilt show tomorrow and Friday with my sister. She makes the coolest quilts. Me, I do real good at snuggling in them! All summer I complain the quilt she made for our bed is too hot, too heavy. Well not now!! And the cats like it too.
So, off to make Kelly's lunch, do meds and treatments and try to get up early tomorrow. Yick. I hate early!!!
Good night
Well, he waited a while to leave for work and I went back to bed. When I got up it was sunny, not a cloud to be seen, and no white stuff left. I'd have never known if he hadn't shown me! I do have a picture and will post it if I ever learn how!
I've received a picture from my friend who was in Albuquerque for Christmas, it snowed there about a foot. She grew up there and it never snowed there that much. I received a picture from my Aunt in Oregon. She lives on the coast...another picture, another snow, another snow man!
It doesn't usually snow that much there, if at all. I'm not sure.
What the heck? Freezing in Dallas and Austin? I've had to put little blankets on my plants so they don't die. The plant in front is all crispy and I don't think it'll make it back. I just pruned all my roses a few days before this weather. I hope they live. I don't want to replace 15 rose bushes!
Other than that, I went to my first night of sign language class at Chaffey. Only sign I is open, but I think it will be too easy for me. I recognized the teachers name so stopped to ask her if she was related to...She said yes but we got divorced 6 years ago. Oops, next subject!
Before class it was very cold (class starts at 8PM) and all the stupid teenagers had on windbreakers or those half sweater that they think are so cute. Some even had on flip flops. They were all shivering and blowing their noses....heee heee. I may have looked dorky in my mountain man coat, but I was warm as toast! The class before us didn't get out and didn't get out. Finally I went in and said we were waiting, so the other class was let out. You'd think someone would have thanked me, but NOOOOO. They were all afraid to even look at me with my 02 on. It was sounding really loud out there in the quiet cold air. No one even sat by me when we got in. But if I stay in this class, they'll want to sit by me soon enough when they find out that I already know most all from this class! I'm going to try to get into Sign II at the Norco campus of Riverside Comm. College. Then maybe I can go on to III. Novel idea...how many schools can you take I and II at?
So that's it for me. I'm having lunch at the quilt show tomorrow and Friday with my sister. She makes the coolest quilts. Me, I do real good at snuggling in them! All summer I complain the quilt she made for our bed is too hot, too heavy. Well not now!! And the cats like it too.
So, off to make Kelly's lunch, do meds and treatments and try to get up early tomorrow. Yick. I hate early!!!
Good night
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
A thought provoking day
This may be a bit rambly, long winded, confusing...but that's how I think! So hang in there readers!
Yesterday, Sunday, was a very odd day. A very sad day. My uncle has been very sick for a long time. He was in a nursing home. He started out in his own apartment, where they do your sheets and towels, cook for you and serve in a main dining room...that kind of thing. But not too long after being there, he began to have problems. Actually now that I think about it, the real problems seem to have started after a dental treatment in which the dentist gave him the wrong antibiotics. Anyway, he deteriorated to the point of being in and out of awareness, not eating, not talking, on oxygen, not getting out of bed at all, losing weight...
His one daughter, my cousin, lives here, near him. She takes care of him, sees him almost daily and puts up with all his stuff. The other daughter lives in Oregon and sees him when she is here.
Well, my uncle was doing very poorly and they didn't know how long he had. It could be days, or weeks, but nothing in a way that was good. He had no life.
So the cousin came down from Oregon. She and her sister were with their dad, just waiting, talking to him off and on. My other cousin and I went to see them on Sunday afternoon so that we could see the cousin from Oregon. I was in shock at how differently my uncle looked. It's been a while, 6 months or longer, since I'd seen him. If I had been looking for him I would have passed right by his room knowing that man wasn't him. It couldn't be.
Well, we visited for a while, then decided to go have a quick lunch. The four of us were only gone 30, 40 minutes and my cousin gets a call from her son, telling her the home just called and her dad had passed away.
We knew it could come at any time, but it was still a shock. I went thru a myriad of feelings...from we should have never gone to lunch, (guilt) to maybe that's why we were put in this situation to keep the cousins from having to watch their father die (mabye useful) to I didn't even say good bye (guilt again) to even feeling thankful that he no longer looked like my dad so that it wasn't so hard for me (feeling very selfish). I didn't know what to do, there was no point to rush, but wanting to get them back. Wanting to help in some way, but there was no way to help. Wanting to comfort, knowing that the hard stuff is still coming.
As I was driving home I got to thinking about all the family I have lost. My dad came from a family with 7 girls and 3 boys. My dad was the youngest. Each of them were married. I knew and loved all those people. With my uncle gone, there is now only one aunt left. I was thinking about all the grave stones with all the different names, about how I used to visit those people and now they are gone. Wondering how strange it must feel to be the one sister left. Her whole family, just gone. Then I got to thinking about my grandparents that died, my parents, my brother and sister even though I never met them. And the countless amounts of friends with CF. So many people gone.
Today I just read an email from yet another cousin of mine :) and her mother in law passed today. I never knew her but it just seemed to make me sink a little lower.
I'm not depressed, but just a lingering saddness. Again with the feelings of needing to say kind things to people, of wanting people to understand that life is too darn short and you need to take care of things. Today I went to lunch with a friend on the spur of the moment. I didn't want to go because I had so much to do today. But I went and had a nice time. The house, the yard, all that will be here tomorrow. I don't intend to not ever do anything agian using life is too short as an excuse to excape my responsibilities, but I need to put it in perspective and get my priorities straight. I try to do a good job of that, but I want to do better.
I also want to learn to not feel so guilty. It wasn't my fault we went to lunch at that time, it wasn't my fault my uncle died while we were gone. And as for the past, it wasn't my fault that my dad died. I couldn't have stopped it. I still FEEL like maybe I could, but my brain is saying I couldn't and let it go. So I'm going to try. I will try to stop feeling guilty all the time for so many things, like not being the kind of wife I want to be because I'm so tired all the time. I can't help it. I need to stop beating myself up for being afraid.
I could go on and on. My brain is still running in circles from yesterday.
I hope my uncle is in a better place and that he is at peace now. He was not happy for so long.
Maybe he and my dad are raising some kind of hell, riding motorcycles and visiting with all the other family that is up there.
It is just odd, to be so close to death, but knowing that it really doesn't effect me ( I didn't know my uncle that well, he lived in Arkansas all his life). It is odd how life just goes on. It's like it should stop for just a minute to acknowledge what has happened. It is so odd to wonder what's after, if anything. It's sad to really think about all the people you've lost and even how you lost them. It's sad to think of when it will happen to you, will anyone remember you, think about you, or do you just cease to exist in the minds of those who come after you. I have no children, so I expect I will quickly fade away. So sad.
Yesterday, Sunday, was a very odd day. A very sad day. My uncle has been very sick for a long time. He was in a nursing home. He started out in his own apartment, where they do your sheets and towels, cook for you and serve in a main dining room...that kind of thing. But not too long after being there, he began to have problems. Actually now that I think about it, the real problems seem to have started after a dental treatment in which the dentist gave him the wrong antibiotics. Anyway, he deteriorated to the point of being in and out of awareness, not eating, not talking, on oxygen, not getting out of bed at all, losing weight...
His one daughter, my cousin, lives here, near him. She takes care of him, sees him almost daily and puts up with all his stuff. The other daughter lives in Oregon and sees him when she is here.
Well, my uncle was doing very poorly and they didn't know how long he had. It could be days, or weeks, but nothing in a way that was good. He had no life.
So the cousin came down from Oregon. She and her sister were with their dad, just waiting, talking to him off and on. My other cousin and I went to see them on Sunday afternoon so that we could see the cousin from Oregon. I was in shock at how differently my uncle looked. It's been a while, 6 months or longer, since I'd seen him. If I had been looking for him I would have passed right by his room knowing that man wasn't him. It couldn't be.
Well, we visited for a while, then decided to go have a quick lunch. The four of us were only gone 30, 40 minutes and my cousin gets a call from her son, telling her the home just called and her dad had passed away.
We knew it could come at any time, but it was still a shock. I went thru a myriad of feelings...from we should have never gone to lunch, (guilt) to maybe that's why we were put in this situation to keep the cousins from having to watch their father die (mabye useful) to I didn't even say good bye (guilt again) to even feeling thankful that he no longer looked like my dad so that it wasn't so hard for me (feeling very selfish). I didn't know what to do, there was no point to rush, but wanting to get them back. Wanting to help in some way, but there was no way to help. Wanting to comfort, knowing that the hard stuff is still coming.
As I was driving home I got to thinking about all the family I have lost. My dad came from a family with 7 girls and 3 boys. My dad was the youngest. Each of them were married. I knew and loved all those people. With my uncle gone, there is now only one aunt left. I was thinking about all the grave stones with all the different names, about how I used to visit those people and now they are gone. Wondering how strange it must feel to be the one sister left. Her whole family, just gone. Then I got to thinking about my grandparents that died, my parents, my brother and sister even though I never met them. And the countless amounts of friends with CF. So many people gone.
Today I just read an email from yet another cousin of mine :) and her mother in law passed today. I never knew her but it just seemed to make me sink a little lower.
I'm not depressed, but just a lingering saddness. Again with the feelings of needing to say kind things to people, of wanting people to understand that life is too darn short and you need to take care of things. Today I went to lunch with a friend on the spur of the moment. I didn't want to go because I had so much to do today. But I went and had a nice time. The house, the yard, all that will be here tomorrow. I don't intend to not ever do anything agian using life is too short as an excuse to excape my responsibilities, but I need to put it in perspective and get my priorities straight. I try to do a good job of that, but I want to do better.
I also want to learn to not feel so guilty. It wasn't my fault we went to lunch at that time, it wasn't my fault my uncle died while we were gone. And as for the past, it wasn't my fault that my dad died. I couldn't have stopped it. I still FEEL like maybe I could, but my brain is saying I couldn't and let it go. So I'm going to try. I will try to stop feeling guilty all the time for so many things, like not being the kind of wife I want to be because I'm so tired all the time. I can't help it. I need to stop beating myself up for being afraid.
I could go on and on. My brain is still running in circles from yesterday.
I hope my uncle is in a better place and that he is at peace now. He was not happy for so long.
Maybe he and my dad are raising some kind of hell, riding motorcycles and visiting with all the other family that is up there.
It is just odd, to be so close to death, but knowing that it really doesn't effect me ( I didn't know my uncle that well, he lived in Arkansas all his life). It is odd how life just goes on. It's like it should stop for just a minute to acknowledge what has happened. It is so odd to wonder what's after, if anything. It's sad to really think about all the people you've lost and even how you lost them. It's sad to think of when it will happen to you, will anyone remember you, think about you, or do you just cease to exist in the minds of those who come after you. I have no children, so I expect I will quickly fade away. So sad.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Happy New Year
I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year celebration, whether that meant staying home, going out or going to sleep! I hope for everyone a New Year filled with love, peace, hope, health, family (that includes pets!) and friends.
Two people in my world (CF) died this season. One wonderful man on Christmas Eve, one young woman on the 27th. Both were wonderful people and will be so very missed. Know that life is short, too short to hold on to grudges, annoyances or petty differences. Let your loved ones know how you feel. Don't assume they know or that they don't need to hear it. It can make all the difference if you can just say how you feel.
Happy New Year
All my love to my family and friends that mean so much to me
Carol
Two people in my world (CF) died this season. One wonderful man on Christmas Eve, one young woman on the 27th. Both were wonderful people and will be so very missed. Know that life is short, too short to hold on to grudges, annoyances or petty differences. Let your loved ones know how you feel. Don't assume they know or that they don't need to hear it. It can make all the difference if you can just say how you feel.
Happy New Year
All my love to my family and friends that mean so much to me
Carol
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
A perfect Christmas
This Christmas weekend was the best! I haven't had such great time around the holidays in years. I was surrounded by family and friends, great food and good times.
I got to start my weekend by having dinner with my cousin Kris from Oregon, her sweet husband David, their kids Trevor and Griffen and Kris's dad, who calls me his other daughter, Gale and his lovely wife Cheryl. Kris and the family were able to come to Calif for Christmas to take the kids to Knott's Berry Farm, Disneyland for a few days and Universal studios. So we met for dinner at the chicken place at Knott's. It was so great to see Kris. I always think of her as about 18 and when I see her she still looks 18, but is a great and loving mom. I had so much fun talking to her and getting to know Griffen. He is the cutest boy ever. I wanted to scoop him up and take him home! Trevor was at the far end of the table so I didn't get to talk to much to him, except in line. He has become shy, except when it is time to talk about Sneaky Pete. I think that's the name. It's a guy in jail at Knott's and Trevor wanted to break him out of jail but just couldn't do it. But he did win numerous stuffed animals which mom and grandpa and grandma loved carrying around!! I sure wish they all lived closer. I miss that part of my family.
But, on to the next day which was Christmas Eve. I got to start the day by having lunch with Michelle and Allen. They came down to spend some time with Pat and Cheryl for Christmas. We just went to lunch at Applebee's and exchanged gifts. It was very fun. Michelle's friends Chacho and Elaine were there too. Again with the eating! But I was glad to see her for Christmas this year. Since she's moved we haven't been able to be together at the holidays.
The annual Forester Christmas Eve party was at Lynn's. The hose looked beautiful and the food was great. Everyone came and I know Lynn was so happy. There was enough dessert to put someone diabetic in a coma! (Not me, I kept taking shots!)
She was surprised when people started showing up, as somehow she thought the party was at 7, and it was at 6. Good thing she was ready! I had so much fun talking to everyone and eating till I about popped. Patty, if you're reading this, Noel is waiting to become Leon!
I took my friend Becky with me to the party, since she had nothing to do. She was not amazed at the amount of people since she is one of a set of 9 siblings. I can just imagine how many are at their Christmas.
On Christmas day Kelly and I opened gifts here before going back to Lynn's and Denny's. Kelly got me the most beautiful earrings...diamond (Hearts on Fire) studs from our favorite store. They are so perfect, and white..they make my other diamond earrings and necklace look grey. I told Kelly he started it and now we have to start upgrading! I think he choked! He also got me a couple other things and I got him gift certificates since I'm computer illiterate and would have no idea what to get him. I did pick up Kelly Pickler's CD because he thinks she should have won American Idol. Who knew she sang country? He hasn't listened to it yet!
At Lynn's we had ham and I actually fixed all the sides. I even made yams, that's a first for me! I don't eat them so I've never tried to make them. All my clean boxes that my med's come in when they are delivered to my house were perfect to pack all the food containers. One for cold and one for hot. Guess it's a good thing I was on IV's last week! We did gifts there and I scored. I won't brag but I got the best gifts ever!!
Today we went to Frye's because Kelly can't let a certificate sit in his pocket for too long. The parking lot was a zoo. I don't think anyone went to work, they were all at Frye's!!!
The only sad note was that Kelly got me the most beautiful Christmas card. I just started crying my little eyes out. I so much hope we have 40 more years together because Kelly is the love of my life, my strength and my best friend. He said no more nice cards, from now on it's cartoon characters for me!
Now it's time to see if I can get to sleep early for a change. I think pruning roses should round out this perfect weekend. Hard work, it's good to do after all I ate! I wish Christmas was every other month. What fun would that be?
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate. I hope friends and family were near, hope was abundant, and peace was with you for this weekend.
I got to start my weekend by having dinner with my cousin Kris from Oregon, her sweet husband David, their kids Trevor and Griffen and Kris's dad, who calls me his other daughter, Gale and his lovely wife Cheryl. Kris and the family were able to come to Calif for Christmas to take the kids to Knott's Berry Farm, Disneyland for a few days and Universal studios. So we met for dinner at the chicken place at Knott's. It was so great to see Kris. I always think of her as about 18 and when I see her she still looks 18, but is a great and loving mom. I had so much fun talking to her and getting to know Griffen. He is the cutest boy ever. I wanted to scoop him up and take him home! Trevor was at the far end of the table so I didn't get to talk to much to him, except in line. He has become shy, except when it is time to talk about Sneaky Pete. I think that's the name. It's a guy in jail at Knott's and Trevor wanted to break him out of jail but just couldn't do it. But he did win numerous stuffed animals which mom and grandpa and grandma loved carrying around!! I sure wish they all lived closer. I miss that part of my family.
But, on to the next day which was Christmas Eve. I got to start the day by having lunch with Michelle and Allen. They came down to spend some time with Pat and Cheryl for Christmas. We just went to lunch at Applebee's and exchanged gifts. It was very fun. Michelle's friends Chacho and Elaine were there too. Again with the eating! But I was glad to see her for Christmas this year. Since she's moved we haven't been able to be together at the holidays.
The annual Forester Christmas Eve party was at Lynn's. The hose looked beautiful and the food was great. Everyone came and I know Lynn was so happy. There was enough dessert to put someone diabetic in a coma! (Not me, I kept taking shots!)
She was surprised when people started showing up, as somehow she thought the party was at 7, and it was at 6. Good thing she was ready! I had so much fun talking to everyone and eating till I about popped. Patty, if you're reading this, Noel is waiting to become Leon!
I took my friend Becky with me to the party, since she had nothing to do. She was not amazed at the amount of people since she is one of a set of 9 siblings. I can just imagine how many are at their Christmas.
On Christmas day Kelly and I opened gifts here before going back to Lynn's and Denny's. Kelly got me the most beautiful earrings...diamond (Hearts on Fire) studs from our favorite store. They are so perfect, and white..they make my other diamond earrings and necklace look grey. I told Kelly he started it and now we have to start upgrading! I think he choked! He also got me a couple other things and I got him gift certificates since I'm computer illiterate and would have no idea what to get him. I did pick up Kelly Pickler's CD because he thinks she should have won American Idol. Who knew she sang country? He hasn't listened to it yet!
At Lynn's we had ham and I actually fixed all the sides. I even made yams, that's a first for me! I don't eat them so I've never tried to make them. All my clean boxes that my med's come in when they are delivered to my house were perfect to pack all the food containers. One for cold and one for hot. Guess it's a good thing I was on IV's last week! We did gifts there and I scored. I won't brag but I got the best gifts ever!!
Today we went to Frye's because Kelly can't let a certificate sit in his pocket for too long. The parking lot was a zoo. I don't think anyone went to work, they were all at Frye's!!!
The only sad note was that Kelly got me the most beautiful Christmas card. I just started crying my little eyes out. I so much hope we have 40 more years together because Kelly is the love of my life, my strength and my best friend. He said no more nice cards, from now on it's cartoon characters for me!
Now it's time to see if I can get to sleep early for a change. I think pruning roses should round out this perfect weekend. Hard work, it's good to do after all I ate! I wish Christmas was every other month. What fun would that be?
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate. I hope friends and family were near, hope was abundant, and peace was with you for this weekend.
Monday, December 18, 2006
More transplant stuff
So I said I would get the results on Wednesday of last week as to whether or not they accepted me as a person for transplant and listed me. Well, I still haven't heard about that. I was told to go forward, meaning have more tests. So this past Friday, I had to go back to USC and have an EKG and Echo and a right heart cathater.
The same as last time, there were many problems, from where I was supposed to go, to what time, to when the procedures were and in what order, to even what procedures I was having.
It was all very frustrating and I almost walked out. I was there at 7, ended up having the procedure at 11:30, and then the echo and EKG after that. It was a mere 15 1/2 hours with no food and water. Not good for a diabetic or for someone with CF. We had to force them to put me on glucose so I didn't crash.
They also put me in a room with other people. Bad for germs and me. But they insisted the people were only there for out patient surgery and weren't sick. The second guy they put in my room was throwing up mucus....now tell me he isn't sick. I'm still waiting to see if I get something!
This whole process has been so bad with the right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing that it terrifies me to have actual surgery there. If we are accepted on the list and then meet with the surgeon, I guess we'll talk to him and see what he says. I do have the right to go elsewhere, even to be listed at two places, but the insurance won't pay for another round of evaluations and that is a huge cost. I don't know if I'll stay at USC or not. They are supposed to be a top notch hospital, but from what we've seen it is awful. Clear down to they've got rid of the cleaning staff. You should see how dirty it was.
Outside of this, I've been not feeling well at all. I've been on IV's for about 10 days now and not feeling any better. Today I had a small bleed. The med's I'm on make you have fatigue, muscle pain, diarrhea, cramps, headache and no appetite. I've lost 3 or 4 pounds so far. I'm trying to keep up but not making it. Liz helped me with the housework and that helped a lot. But between doctors and dentist appts., guests at the house a few times, wanting to decorate, getting up early for USC, having hair and nail appointments (can't not go to those!), going to an xmas program.....it seems endless. I started my Christmas shopping tonite. I got one person done, yipee. Only 5 more and grab bag to go!
Man, I hate feeling this way. Today I was very sad and tearful. I feel like crud, but the possible fix seems worse. I bled and worry that it will continue. It seems to never just come once. I just hope I'm off IV's before Christmas so I can get the med's out of my system and feel better, or at least have more energy before the holiday. I'm looking forward to Christmas, I love it!
So that's it for now. Think I'll try to get some sleep. If I don't get back to the blog before, have a Happy Christmas everyone!!!
The same as last time, there were many problems, from where I was supposed to go, to what time, to when the procedures were and in what order, to even what procedures I was having.
It was all very frustrating and I almost walked out. I was there at 7, ended up having the procedure at 11:30, and then the echo and EKG after that. It was a mere 15 1/2 hours with no food and water. Not good for a diabetic or for someone with CF. We had to force them to put me on glucose so I didn't crash.
They also put me in a room with other people. Bad for germs and me. But they insisted the people were only there for out patient surgery and weren't sick. The second guy they put in my room was throwing up mucus....now tell me he isn't sick. I'm still waiting to see if I get something!
This whole process has been so bad with the right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing that it terrifies me to have actual surgery there. If we are accepted on the list and then meet with the surgeon, I guess we'll talk to him and see what he says. I do have the right to go elsewhere, even to be listed at two places, but the insurance won't pay for another round of evaluations and that is a huge cost. I don't know if I'll stay at USC or not. They are supposed to be a top notch hospital, but from what we've seen it is awful. Clear down to they've got rid of the cleaning staff. You should see how dirty it was.
Outside of this, I've been not feeling well at all. I've been on IV's for about 10 days now and not feeling any better. Today I had a small bleed. The med's I'm on make you have fatigue, muscle pain, diarrhea, cramps, headache and no appetite. I've lost 3 or 4 pounds so far. I'm trying to keep up but not making it. Liz helped me with the housework and that helped a lot. But between doctors and dentist appts., guests at the house a few times, wanting to decorate, getting up early for USC, having hair and nail appointments (can't not go to those!), going to an xmas program.....it seems endless. I started my Christmas shopping tonite. I got one person done, yipee. Only 5 more and grab bag to go!
Man, I hate feeling this way. Today I was very sad and tearful. I feel like crud, but the possible fix seems worse. I bled and worry that it will continue. It seems to never just come once. I just hope I'm off IV's before Christmas so I can get the med's out of my system and feel better, or at least have more energy before the holiday. I'm looking forward to Christmas, I love it!
So that's it for now. Think I'll try to get some sleep. If I don't get back to the blog before, have a Happy Christmas everyone!!!
Friday, December 01, 2006
Transplant evaluation
Yesterday was a really long day. I tried to go to sleep early to be ready, but since I usually go to bed around 3, I couldn't just fall asleep at 9, or 10, or 11. I finally went to bed at 1, but took what seemed like a long time to fall asleep. I got up at 4. My little eyeballs didn't like it, not one bit!
So first thing in the morning was flippen cold!!! 34* according to PFF on Euclid and Foothill. I was shivering! When we got to USC at 6:45, the appointed time, it was still freezing. The parking lot was in the shade, duh a parking building, and so was the walk to the hospital. I couldn't breathe it was so cold. I was longing to get inside, just to find out when we did that they had the huge entrance doors not working well, and it was 40 something inside the building also.
We finally got thru admitting and went upstairs for the first test and we were so happy that it was warm! First thing they did was a blood gas test. For any of you that haven't had this, it can be extremely painful if you get someone not good at it. They need to take blood from the artery in your wrist, not from a surface vein like usual. But my guy did a great job and I only felt the first stick. Then I did a full set of pulmonary functions tests. Took two hours. I was beat. After that a 6 minute walk study. The point is to see how far you can get in 6 minutes. Without my 02 I might add. Well I took off like a bunny, but slowed down after I was sucking air. I was surprised that a place as advanced as USC had me walk up and down a hall way instead of using a treadmill. I ran over a few people, oops. But I went 1580 feet. A mile is 5280 feet. So I went about 3.4 miles per hour. I actually think I went way faster for a while, and then way, way slower! The guy kept saying don't push yourself so hard. Well isn't the point to see what I can and can't do? By the time 6 minutes were up my legs were burning so bad I wanted to sit and never get up! I was surprised the difference between walking 30 minutes or more at a much slower pace and walking 6 minutes really fast. Well, fast for me. I guess my walking around the mall isn't the work out I thought it was!
Next, blood work, then xrays and CT scan. After that met with the transplant coordinator, then the doctor. The doctor is the pulmonologist, not the surgeon. I've met the pulmo guy before and really like him. We bantered back and forth and argued about my weight again. He wants me to get to at least 110. I said, mmmhmm. That was my total response, with a smile of course! He asked what had changed from when he saw me two years ago when I was checking out USC for their CF clinic. Told him about how hard everything is getting, about being short of breath all the time with any effort extended. Told him about the bleeds and about the "event" in July.
After that was...oh, financial coordinator. I hate insurance. They gave her the wrong information. I wish what they told her was true, but I've been paying long enough that I know it's not. Too long of a story. They were very impressed that I know each of the three parts of the insurance, how they work and have a name of who I talk to at each. Also fax numbers that they needed to send info over. Well after all, isn't that my second job?
Lastly was the social worker. I don't know if I impressed him or if I made him think I'm so not right for this procedure! But he remembered us after we talked about the last support group we went to and Kelly raised a little stink because there were no masks for patients to wear. He said he was really mad, not at Kelly, but at the people who put him in the position to not know about this. They now have masks at the support group meetings. He kept looking at his watch though and I didn't know if he was bored, running late or what. We were there only for our scheduled hour so I'm not sure what was wrong.
So that was it. When I was listed in 2000, it took about 4 months to get the results. This time it should take a much shorter time. They, a team of about 20 people...actually not sure how many, but everyone I met, plus the surgeon and some others...meet next Wednesday to talk about me. I wish I could be a fly on the wall. They will reach a decision and then and let me know if I'm accepted or not. If I am, they will not tell me my score (the people on the list are scored from 0-100. The higher the score the closer to the top you are. Meaning the higher the score, the more in need you are of a transplant. But often people in the 30's and 40's get their tx) but they will tell me " your score is too low to be called soon" or "with your score you can expect a very short wait"...or something like that.
So now it's a waiting game. Oh, if anyone is interested in being part of my support group, they want names. It would be people who come to visit me in the hospital, people who can bring food or help when I get home, people who can drive me to doctors appts once I'm out as I have to go twice a week for quite a while. And as a long shot, they are also asking for names of anyone who wants to be a potential lobe donor. This is for the back up plan. You need to be type O and in fairly good shape. The 50 year old rule no longer applies, so you can be over 50. Also you need to be 5 or 6 inches taller than me, I'm 5'3". You can contact me personally for more information.
I told them I have lots of cousins and friends who will help me, because you can actually be denied a transplant if you don't have a support group. I know of one girl this has happened too. How very sad that someone is so alone.
It is a darn good thing Kelly was with me. I had him running back and forth all day, carrying my stuff...the air in that place was so dry, I thought my blood sugar must be skyhigh I was so thirsty and my mouth was so dry, so I had him go to the car and get my testing kit. Blood sugar was normal, so I had him go get me a soda. It didn't last too long. Then I needed another, then we went to the car to get lunch (I had packed us good food, remember the diet!) and took it to the cafeteria to eat. Kelly brought it back to the car because my walking legs were done. He waited, he comforted, he talked to me and for me, and kept me fed and watered! What a guy. It must have been so boring but not a complaint came from him. Maybe it took his mind off the stress of the first day of his new job, MONDAY!
So, I guess that's all. I've been so tired since then. Thursday night I slept for 12 hours. Friday night for 13. I didn't get up until 3 pm today. I couldn't believe how late it was. The kitties loved it. They were both curled up and asleep beside me. One leaning on my legs and one on my head. They're so cute!!! I am going shoe shopping tomorrow with my sister so I have to get up at a reasonable hour, wish me luck!
So first thing in the morning was flippen cold!!! 34* according to PFF on Euclid and Foothill. I was shivering! When we got to USC at 6:45, the appointed time, it was still freezing. The parking lot was in the shade, duh a parking building, and so was the walk to the hospital. I couldn't breathe it was so cold. I was longing to get inside, just to find out when we did that they had the huge entrance doors not working well, and it was 40 something inside the building also.
We finally got thru admitting and went upstairs for the first test and we were so happy that it was warm! First thing they did was a blood gas test. For any of you that haven't had this, it can be extremely painful if you get someone not good at it. They need to take blood from the artery in your wrist, not from a surface vein like usual. But my guy did a great job and I only felt the first stick. Then I did a full set of pulmonary functions tests. Took two hours. I was beat. After that a 6 minute walk study. The point is to see how far you can get in 6 minutes. Without my 02 I might add. Well I took off like a bunny, but slowed down after I was sucking air. I was surprised that a place as advanced as USC had me walk up and down a hall way instead of using a treadmill. I ran over a few people, oops. But I went 1580 feet. A mile is 5280 feet. So I went about 3.4 miles per hour. I actually think I went way faster for a while, and then way, way slower! The guy kept saying don't push yourself so hard. Well isn't the point to see what I can and can't do? By the time 6 minutes were up my legs were burning so bad I wanted to sit and never get up! I was surprised the difference between walking 30 minutes or more at a much slower pace and walking 6 minutes really fast. Well, fast for me. I guess my walking around the mall isn't the work out I thought it was!
Next, blood work, then xrays and CT scan. After that met with the transplant coordinator, then the doctor. The doctor is the pulmonologist, not the surgeon. I've met the pulmo guy before and really like him. We bantered back and forth and argued about my weight again. He wants me to get to at least 110. I said, mmmhmm. That was my total response, with a smile of course! He asked what had changed from when he saw me two years ago when I was checking out USC for their CF clinic. Told him about how hard everything is getting, about being short of breath all the time with any effort extended. Told him about the bleeds and about the "event" in July.
After that was...oh, financial coordinator. I hate insurance. They gave her the wrong information. I wish what they told her was true, but I've been paying long enough that I know it's not. Too long of a story. They were very impressed that I know each of the three parts of the insurance, how they work and have a name of who I talk to at each. Also fax numbers that they needed to send info over. Well after all, isn't that my second job?
Lastly was the social worker. I don't know if I impressed him or if I made him think I'm so not right for this procedure! But he remembered us after we talked about the last support group we went to and Kelly raised a little stink because there were no masks for patients to wear. He said he was really mad, not at Kelly, but at the people who put him in the position to not know about this. They now have masks at the support group meetings. He kept looking at his watch though and I didn't know if he was bored, running late or what. We were there only for our scheduled hour so I'm not sure what was wrong.
So that was it. When I was listed in 2000, it took about 4 months to get the results. This time it should take a much shorter time. They, a team of about 20 people...actually not sure how many, but everyone I met, plus the surgeon and some others...meet next Wednesday to talk about me. I wish I could be a fly on the wall. They will reach a decision and then and let me know if I'm accepted or not. If I am, they will not tell me my score (the people on the list are scored from 0-100. The higher the score the closer to the top you are. Meaning the higher the score, the more in need you are of a transplant. But often people in the 30's and 40's get their tx) but they will tell me " your score is too low to be called soon" or "with your score you can expect a very short wait"...or something like that.
So now it's a waiting game. Oh, if anyone is interested in being part of my support group, they want names. It would be people who come to visit me in the hospital, people who can bring food or help when I get home, people who can drive me to doctors appts once I'm out as I have to go twice a week for quite a while. And as a long shot, they are also asking for names of anyone who wants to be a potential lobe donor. This is for the back up plan. You need to be type O and in fairly good shape. The 50 year old rule no longer applies, so you can be over 50. Also you need to be 5 or 6 inches taller than me, I'm 5'3". You can contact me personally for more information.
I told them I have lots of cousins and friends who will help me, because you can actually be denied a transplant if you don't have a support group. I know of one girl this has happened too. How very sad that someone is so alone.
It is a darn good thing Kelly was with me. I had him running back and forth all day, carrying my stuff...the air in that place was so dry, I thought my blood sugar must be skyhigh I was so thirsty and my mouth was so dry, so I had him go to the car and get my testing kit. Blood sugar was normal, so I had him go get me a soda. It didn't last too long. Then I needed another, then we went to the car to get lunch (I had packed us good food, remember the diet!) and took it to the cafeteria to eat. Kelly brought it back to the car because my walking legs were done. He waited, he comforted, he talked to me and for me, and kept me fed and watered! What a guy. It must have been so boring but not a complaint came from him. Maybe it took his mind off the stress of the first day of his new job, MONDAY!
So, I guess that's all. I've been so tired since then. Thursday night I slept for 12 hours. Friday night for 13. I didn't get up until 3 pm today. I couldn't believe how late it was. The kitties loved it. They were both curled up and asleep beside me. One leaning on my legs and one on my head. They're so cute!!! I am going shoe shopping tomorrow with my sister so I have to get up at a reasonable hour, wish me luck!
Monday, November 27, 2006
Getting ready for Thursday
Nope, not Thanksgiving, that was last Thursday. I am going for my transplant eval this Thursday. I'm so stressed. I don't actually think about it and stress out, but I've had insomnia for a week now even with melatonin, valerian root and 3 benedryl. About 4:30 or 5 am, there I am staring at the ceiling and wondering if I should just get up and read or continue to lay there.
So everyone cross your fingers for me, that all my tests say I qualify, but that for now I'm too healthy! Those of you out there reading this, and you know who you are, who has had a lobe removed and are smoking again, stop it! You don't want to do this too. Others of you out there who have no idea what I'm talking about...well, yell at him for smoking! ( and say a little star light start bright...for me!)
Kelly and I were walking this weekend, and this other couple were standing still so we passed them. The guy looks at us then taps his girlfriend and tilts his head our way. She looks and he says that's the most romantic thing I've ever seen. I guess he was talking about Kelly carrying my 02 while we walk. It is kinda romantic. We are literally "tubed" together! But it is also embarrassing! Oh well, at least he didn't say that's sick or something.
Turkey day we went to Lynn's and Denny's. We had boxed dinner from Marie Calendar's. So good and so much easier than cooking from scratch! Lynn had everything ready soon after we got there. I just ate and felt fat..for then and the next two days! I can hardly wait for xmas food.
For those who read this, yes xmas eve is at Lynn's. Invitations will go out soon. We're going to have spaggetti and garlic bread, how's that? And of course everyone needs to bring dessert!
So I guess that's all, just trying to keep up. I am so tired after not sleeping that I don't get much done but I'm trying!
I loved the rain, but want more of it. Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain. Bow to the left , bow to the right...thank you. Good thing you can't hear me!
So everyone cross your fingers for me, that all my tests say I qualify, but that for now I'm too healthy! Those of you out there reading this, and you know who you are, who has had a lobe removed and are smoking again, stop it! You don't want to do this too. Others of you out there who have no idea what I'm talking about...well, yell at him for smoking! ( and say a little star light start bright...for me!)
Kelly and I were walking this weekend, and this other couple were standing still so we passed them. The guy looks at us then taps his girlfriend and tilts his head our way. She looks and he says that's the most romantic thing I've ever seen. I guess he was talking about Kelly carrying my 02 while we walk. It is kinda romantic. We are literally "tubed" together! But it is also embarrassing! Oh well, at least he didn't say that's sick or something.
Turkey day we went to Lynn's and Denny's. We had boxed dinner from Marie Calendar's. So good and so much easier than cooking from scratch! Lynn had everything ready soon after we got there. I just ate and felt fat..for then and the next two days! I can hardly wait for xmas food.
For those who read this, yes xmas eve is at Lynn's. Invitations will go out soon. We're going to have spaggetti and garlic bread, how's that? And of course everyone needs to bring dessert!
So I guess that's all, just trying to keep up. I am so tired after not sleeping that I don't get much done but I'm trying!
I loved the rain, but want more of it. Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain. Bow to the left , bow to the right...thank you. Good thing you can't hear me!
Monday, November 20, 2006
Yipeee
Well as of December 1st, Kelly will no longer be working in Anaheim. He was offered the job in Azusa, with a raise I might add, and will start on Dec. 4th. I am so so happy for him. His immediate boss is not working this week, so he told the next boss up and the man had virtually nothing to say. He didn't ask why Kelly is leaving, if they can do anything to keep him...nothing. He told about his time at Azusa in the 70's..,,yea so?
I'm just so excited. Drive time cut by over half, a boss that really wants Kelly to be there and close to home in case I need him. Yipee!
I think it will be a perfect fit and from there he can start moving up the ladder. Yes I'm talking in years, but hey, it takes time.
As for me, I'm still trying to get us healthy. Last week I walked 3 out of 7 days. Not too good, but better than usual. I walked 2/3's of a mile on Monday and Tuesday and one mile on Thursday.
Today I walked one mile also. The problem with the walking is I get so tired when I get home I just want to sit. Kelly cooked dinner tonite. We had whole wheat pasta with organic pasta sauce, no sugar, no fats. We also had sautaed (?)mushrooms in Pam cooking spray. I have to say, it wasn't as flavorful as Paul Newman's or mushrooms in butter, but we'll get used to it and maybe doctor it up a bit. I don't know much to cook for dinner that is good for you so I'm just doing a little at a time. Breakfast is easy and I"m not up long enough for lunch and dinner. I make Kelly's lunch and other than his peanut butter, it's a really good lunch. He's also cut his coffee down from about 10 cups a day to 2 or 3. His heart should be happy.
Other than that not much. Having Thanksgiving at Lynn's. We're going the Marie Calander box dinner. We went to the actual restraunt last year and it was really good, so this year we'll have left overs. Guess that day will blow our healthy eating plan right out of the water!
I'll have to walk more!
So now, I have to go iorn. Such a fun life!
I'm just so excited. Drive time cut by over half, a boss that really wants Kelly to be there and close to home in case I need him. Yipee!
I think it will be a perfect fit and from there he can start moving up the ladder. Yes I'm talking in years, but hey, it takes time.
As for me, I'm still trying to get us healthy. Last week I walked 3 out of 7 days. Not too good, but better than usual. I walked 2/3's of a mile on Monday and Tuesday and one mile on Thursday.
Today I walked one mile also. The problem with the walking is I get so tired when I get home I just want to sit. Kelly cooked dinner tonite. We had whole wheat pasta with organic pasta sauce, no sugar, no fats. We also had sautaed (?)mushrooms in Pam cooking spray. I have to say, it wasn't as flavorful as Paul Newman's or mushrooms in butter, but we'll get used to it and maybe doctor it up a bit. I don't know much to cook for dinner that is good for you so I'm just doing a little at a time. Breakfast is easy and I"m not up long enough for lunch and dinner. I make Kelly's lunch and other than his peanut butter, it's a really good lunch. He's also cut his coffee down from about 10 cups a day to 2 or 3. His heart should be happy.
Other than that not much. Having Thanksgiving at Lynn's. We're going the Marie Calander box dinner. We went to the actual restraunt last year and it was really good, so this year we'll have left overs. Guess that day will blow our healthy eating plan right out of the water!
I'll have to walk more!
So now, I have to go iorn. Such a fun life!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
